This year is about so much more than just the bums. Vote for your favourite below

1. Vivienne from John’s reading Maths


Vivienne thinks that Euler’s identity is both a foremost example of deep mathematical beauty and more erotic than Fifty Shades of Grey.

2. Rob from King’s reading MML


Rob thinks that a closed text, like a closed society, inhibits the artistic creation of meaning.

3. Katie from Sidney Sussex reading English



Katie believes that underlying the pernicious imagery of so-called ‘bluestockings’ is the familiar dualism of mind and body, a key component of Western patriarchal ideology.

4. Thomas from Trinity reading Politics


Thomas believes that when considering the marginal benefit of platforming a particular perspective, we must take into account the political asymmetry which results in disproportionate harm to marginalised groups.

5. Natasha from Selwyn reading Music


Natasha believes Elgar’s later works reflect the last blaze of opulence of the pre-war era and are intrinsically intertwined with the birth of modern English orchestral symphony.

6. Kim from John’s reading Natural Sciences


Kim thinks what her publicist tells her to think.

7. Alice from Downing reading Computer Sciences


Alice believes that the demonisation of tabloid journalism by pseudo intellectuals is indicative of a latent hatred of the working classes among those concerned.

8. Marc from Pembroke reading Zoology


Marc believes that the evolution of the carbon concentrating mechanism in eukaryotic algae coincided with the evolution of the land plants and the resultant drop in atmospheric carbon dioxide concentration.

9. Clara from Jesus reading HSPS


Clara believes that the feminine mystique is a synthesised opiate to the leaden fevers of the cadaverous Kyriarchy under which we all, consciously or not, belabour.

10. Nick from Girton reading Classics


Nick thinks that freedom of expression is a vital and unalienable right in a post-Millian society.

11. Lauren from Pembroke reading History of Art


Lauren supports the hypothesis that Goya was indeed a necrophiliac, and that the eroticism of his mutilated muse has been significantly understated in all recent scholarship – or indeed in any scholarship.

12. Stanley from Fitz reading English



Stanley believes that the scripture of our godless youth can be heard in their laughter.

An email leaked to The Tab reveals a colossal pay gap among college masters

The income of Pembroke’s Master is more than three times the salary of Fitz’s.

The former spy chief, Sir Richard Dearlove, gets a whopping £103,467 a year while masters of colleges like Fitz and Churchill languish behind on £30,342 and £38,419.

Like this. Except more. Much more

Like this except more. Much more

Of those who have so far responded to the FoI request, Sir Richard has the highest income. It could pay for more than 11 undergrads’ tuition fees.

His pay package does include an “employer contribution scheme,” presumably from MI6.

Pembroke came second on this year’s Tompkins Table. Fitz is 19th.

Worth three times more than the one at Fitz

Worth three times more than the one at Fitz

An outraged Art Historian on King’s Parade was unforgiving: “He’s had a lifetime of sipping cocktails and jetsetting.

“Can’t he just accept he’s at an academic institution and bite the bullet?”



A Pembroke second-year was surprised masters are financially rewarded so differently: “Surely they’re all meant to be doing the same job, right?

“So what’s with the massively different pay packets?

“It didn’t even cross my mind that masters would be paid differently.”


Surprised? Or should we expect shit colleges to pay their masters shit salaries? More to follow on this leaky Cambridge cash cow…

  • Is this it?

    Was this pitiful article even worth the admin costs of doing a FoI request in multiple colleges?

    • You are

      exactly right. What kind of self-respecting so-called ‘newspaper’ bothers to put in these kind of wanky, snide and downright pointless requests?

      • Not Retarded

        Not The Tab, you stupid motherfucking moron – READ THE FUCKING ARTICLE – it clearly says ‘leaked’.

        • Confusion

          It also says: “Of those who have so far responded to the FoI request, Sir Richard has the highest income.”

  • If you

    had bothered to do some actual research, as opposed to just submitting endless FoIs, you would have discovered that masters employed by the University, e.g. as Professors, only get a supplement from their college. Dearlove clearly isn’t a professor – thus no supplement but a full salary. Overall, masters receive quite similar total pay packets, once University/ college income is combined.

    • Again

      Read the article – this was a leaked email

  • Sigh

    Professors receive an addition sum of money above their university pay (which will be around >£70k), whilst Dearlove is employed by the college.

    Furthermore, his job is largely to raise money for Pembroke college. At this task, I hear that he’s very successful, earning the college far more than his £103k per year.

    He’s had a lifetime of serving his country (for a comparatively small amount of money), and he’s earning the amount that an ambitious Cambridge law, finance, compsci, business grad might expect to earn after two or three years.

    Just think, for the amount the colleges spend on employing lecturers, you could pay the university fees for all the students in Cambridge! How amazing!