Durham Students Warned to Stop Masturbating in Showers

Durham students have received letters asking them not to masturbate in their college showers.

Durham students have received letters asking them not to MASTURBATE in their college showers.

Notices were pinned to walls inside several Durham colleges informing students that the Estates and Buildings manager had discovered “blockages to be caused by what we have now determined to be semen.”

The letter describes masturbation in the showers as “intolerable” and threatens DNA testing to catch the culprits if the problem continues.

Finally, students are encouraged to masturbate “in the comfort of their own rooms, rather than in the showers.”

The notice, which was discovered by Catz freshers on a trip to Durham, is signed by Peter Robinson, the Senior Manager of Durham’s Estates and Buildings Department.

  • James

    Joke letter to a joke uni

  • Simon

    It's a joke…

  • Darius

    hahahaha durham what a joke!!! why would you EVER go there??? hahahaah!!!

    • Dariuslovesit

      sorry but what poly do you go to?????? just cause you have s**t for brains

  • twat

    hahaha why would ANYONE go ANYWHERE except cambridge. pip pip tallyhoe

  • Guest

    While it has a name at the bottom of the letter, there is no signature.

    I've heard of this being sent round other unis/colleges in the US.

    It's clearly a joke, and the Tab should really check the veracity of thee stories before publishing them.

    • boo

      Think it is a joke.

  • Guest

    This is ollllllllllllllllllld… I think I remember seeing this back in 2006 or something.

  • Ken

    This is clearly not real, I masturbate in the shower all the time and all I get is a general sense of self-loathing.

    • Allie

      brilliant.

  • clean'n'clear

    "rinsed"

  • No Name

    Haha, it was joke put up on a friend of mines door because he admitted to wanking in the shower. Where was this picture found, and what crap is this 'tab' pulishing!

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  • Caroline

    James "Joke letter to a joke uni"

    And which uni did you go to mate? Sheffield Hallam?????????

  • Jimmy

    Yeah James. Just because Durham is better than Cambridge. I chose Durham over Cambridge because Cambridge is Rubbish and people masturbate in lecture theatres.

  • Anonymous

    this must be the most exciting thing thats ever happened at Dull-am. literally.

  • http://masturbacja-onanizm.blogspot.com konia

    got to admit, Durham have a sense of humor! :)

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  • Toff

    Cambridge has far more wankers in it than Durham so this is clearly a joke. Isn't Cambridge a Uni that's made of Oxford retards? Actually that's rhetorical because it's true.

    • uwishuweratoff

      Can't be Oxford RETARDS… or we'd be at Oxford. If you mean Oxford REJECTS… well, if we'd applied to Oxford rather than Cambridge, which isn't possible in the same year anyway, then this is more grammatically correct if total bollocks. But Durham now… anyone at Durham got rejected by both. Let's face it.

  • hunter

    fail troll is fail

  • tissit

    It's an _ancient_ joke.

  • sdfsdf

    it's a joke and it's from fucking years ago

  • h.u.b

    Maybe it's old, maybe it's a joke, maybe it's a fake, but it's really funny!

  • Paul C.Lalchungnunga

    It must be true only

  • Mo

    A literary gem. More please.

  • Nigel

    Love it. Great job emily