Deaned!: Cambridge Discipline Uncovered, Part 2

We promised you the full files, and now, The Tab presents some of the strangest deanings Cambridge has ever seen: including hamsters, police dogs, a casino and plenty of vomit.

In part one, The Tab explored the basics of Cambridge discipline. But which colleges have the biggest problems with bad behaviour? Today, we publish files gained under the Freedom of Information Act, from three of the worst-offending colleges – Churchill, Sidney and Clare.

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As a Guardian columnist, and expert on post-colonialism, Dr Priya Gopal was probably unused to sexual advances from naked students.

But after taking over as Dean of Churchill, that’s exactly what she got in 2007.

In her annual report to the College Council, Gopal wrote about an evening ‘involving several very drunk students and alumni after a Rugby dinner, some of whom were running naked around college, and one of whom propositioned me’.

The incident is one of 91 recorded in the Dean’s reports, obtained exclusively by The Tab and published in full online. Taking group events into account, well over 100 individuals were involved.

‘The report does not reflect the entirety of incidents that have taken place, or suggest that only this many incidents occurred during the last academic year’, she said.

They cover a period of four years – between 2005-2008 (read the file), and 2009-2010 (read the file) – and some of the strangest deanings Cambridge has ever seen: including hamsters, police dogs, a casino and plenty of vomit.

‘Hamster and rabbit found in student’s room while student himself was away’

Churchill, March 2007

Like many other colleges, alcohol is cited as a major factor. The Bulldogs, a banned drinking society, are mentioned on numerous occasions.

In March 2008, they were involved in the booking of a ‘fake sports dinner’ in the name of University Lacrosse Club.

‘The result was extreme drunken behaviour, damage and fouling of the room and adjacent toilets’, says the report. Two alumni involved were banned from college.

An initiation ceremony involved ‘persons running naked around college’.

‘Female student extremely inebriated; fouls corridor’

Churchill, January 2008

Gopal also blames Pav, the weekly Churchill ent.

“I think we might be slightly more likely to be badly behaved in college”, admitted Alan Cruickshank, Churchill JCR president.

He added this was: “simply because of the great facilities and ents on offer.

“The consistent weekly turnout at Pav I think is probably proof.

“There are, of course, issues which come with Pav which are exactly what you might expect with an event of that size and sort.

“Students from other colleges sometimes cause trouble at Pav, but certainly in one case this was a group of guys from a central college slagging off Pav in a room of around a hundred drunk Churchillians, which by all accounts is a pretty stupid idea.”

In Michaelmas 2009, Trinity Hall students were caught throwing a bicycle into the college pond, but ‘were too drunk to be able to retrieve it’.

A Trinity student was also caught ‘making off with [a] college projector’.

‘Loud room party after hours with casino for 22 players’

Churchill, February 2007

Cruickshank blames the more serious incidents in the reports on “specific repeat offenders”.

In February, The Tab exclusively reported two serious incidents involving the same Churchill student.

In the first, third-year Christian Ruhr was assaulted with a bottle at Churchill Spring Ball.

Gopal came down hard on the offender: he was banned from the bar, slapped with a 10pm curfew, required to pay damages and costs as well undergoing ‘mandatory counselling’.

The next week, the same student was caught on the roof of college, and was MAULED by a police dog.

This Easter, he was summoned by the Dean for the FOURTH time: ‘To celebrate the lifting of the curfew, the offender got drunk with friends and smashed in a door, injuring himself in the process’.

Gopal recommended ‘he either be rusticated for a year or sent down permanently.’

‘Graduates at a whisky tasting evening refused Porter’s instruction to clear the room at closing time.  The organiser was found (drunk) urinating outside the Porter’s Lodge.’

Sidney, 15th March 2010

Sidney’s chronic problem with their bar is clear in their incident reports from 08/09 (read the file) and 09/10 (read the file). There were 112 cases over the two years, although not all of these resulted in deanings.

In one case a drunk student ‘vomited in room hand basin, left it running, which blocked and flooded the library below.  Prompt action by Porter prevented any major damage to books, fixtures, fittings and electrics.’

In another, a guest of a student urinated in the bar, and there have also been fights involving Fitz, Caius, Girton and Magdalene.

But perhaps the best record, on 6th January this year, was a fire in Hobson Yard, ‘caused by a vagrant burning pallets below student accommodation’. He was later charged with arson.

And files released by Clare (Click HERE to read the file) show the college recorded 43 incidents over the last five years, including rowdy Oxford students in town on a swap, an ‘innapropriate message’ left for a bedder, and second years causing ‘damage’ to a waitress’ clothing.

What do you think about the files? Let us know below…

  • Magdalene Angus

    People do such bad things when drunk! Good article Tab. I see me vomiting over first court (and my vintage brown loafers) failed to make the cut!!!

  • Ed Freedman

    This is all Lexi Abram's fault

  • Rat

    I'll spell caius right for you … F.U.C.K. O.F.F.

    I hope that's clearer for you, vermin.

  • Vermin

    Hey guys, can you get deaned for being a rat? Just, I'm pretty sure I am one and I don't want to get in any trouble?

    Thanks and all the best,

    Rat

    • Rat

      Hi Rat

      I am also a rat studying at Corpus Christi. I was really nervous at first, but everybody has been really cool. Maybe we should meet up sometime? Lets go for a meal at some of the local bins, I hear the ones outside Homerton are really tasty.

      Let me know

      Rat

  • Cat

    Hey guys, I'm a cat and getting really annoyed with mice and rats, especially the latter. Is it possible for me to dean them?

  • Eastender

    Deaned Gaffney

  • Seb Dun What?

    I got deaned for being in possession of two huge guns.

  • No Comment

    I know of someone brewing alcohol in their disabled bath. Wonder if that would make the list if he was caught…

    • curious

      does his name begin with an E?

      • Arun

        or a C? Is his name Cunt?

  • Deb Sunnett

    Mate this aint bad behaviour for shit, all them people are shit lads, they should all come out with the Epics then they'll see some proper crazy behaviour. Plus there are a few of us who are a pretty big deal, one of which is me.

  • Nav-Dog

    You're not a BIG NAME like myself unless you've been deaned shit-loads of times. I'm literally so well-known around this university it's disgusting.

    • Ricky

      BIG NAME ALERT!!!! WOOOWOOWOOWOOW *alarm sounds*

    • Who-Dog?

      Whoever the fuck you are I hope you die soon and stop polluting my tab experience

      • THE-Dog

        It's the fucking Nav-Dog. Show some respect.

      • navdog

        im a fucking HUGE name thats who i am

      • Nav Dogz

        fuck you who dog. i just reported your ass. DEANED

  • Willy Man

    I walk around with my willy out. It feels nice. However, Deany deans me for having my willy out. I like my willy.

  • Wood

    I got deaned for having a threesome on the jesus dinosaurs. The porters said i was roaring like a t-rex

    • getagrip

      wasn't that for destroying an Emmanuel College carpet…

  • Dean Thomas

    I got kicked out of hogwarts for performing the jizziarmous jinx on ginny weasley's face. Lad

  • Niall Kerwajer

    Hi everyone,
    My name is Nyil and I'm a fresher at Homerton. Have done some pretty mad stuff since I got here. However the story below tops the lot. Tell me what you think guys
    So the other day I nearly got deaned for a little incident in my own bedroom. It was a little embarassing to say the least. Especially when the porters came and I got caught red handed (or white faced lol!!!). Truth be told I couldnt really see what was going on, and may have lashed out at them in a drunken stupour. Luckily for me the porters are used to worse behaviour from some of the epics lads at our college (like a certain scotsman loololololololol). Hopefully this wont happen again. Thanks for taking the time to read this guys

    Niallo xx

  • Ali-ternative

    Getting deaned is so mainstream. Kool kids spend their time writing for the tab and going to kambar in skinny jeans

  • Juan

    brilliant

    • Juan

      although not quite Wikileaks…. yet?

      • 12trinityisbest

        only a douchebag such as yourself would reply to his own comment

        • Comment Judge

          I'm with you on this one. A really poor attempt from Juan. Twice.

  • deer

    thats nothing. i once forced a goat to eat a ladder on kings parade using my assortment of knives

  • ricky egg

    lolol i got deaned because i was caught peeping through the curtains of this girl who lived on ground floor every night! there wasn't anything wrong with it, i was just skulking her, but apparently g25 didnt like it!!! when will she be mine???

  • Ricky Egg

    Guys I hope you all realise that the previous comment wasn't really me. I think it's really bad to peep into people's rooms, especially girls. I don't know who that is trying to be an imposter, but I can assure you it wasn't me. The rowing guys all know what I'm like and know I'm not the sort of kid who does that sort of thing, and I am certainly not the kind of guy who get's deaned, although my buddies the epics know the sorts of crazy antics I get into! Who knows what sort of crazy stunt I might pull next, lollollo! But seriosuly, I don't think any of my actions are dean worthy. I apologise if anyone was offended by my previous comment, and I hope you shalln't judge me. Many people seem to stereotype me for some reason, but I am genuinely a nice guy!

    Keep up the great work Tab! You guys are awesome!

    Ricky

    o-x-x-o

    • Jen from the block

      Hi Ricky,

      You sound like quite a nice guy, I read all your comments in the tab and everything lol. Your so cute and funny. Anyway. Fancy a shag?

      J ;) x

  • Rocky Pig

    Like, must have completely missed the bike thing!! GO TRINITY HALL xx

  • Samy

    More to come I hope

  • Dr.Bampos

    trinity hall doesnt even have a pond

    • ap579

      Churchill does though, which you would know if you'd read the article or looked at the lovely illustrated graphic at the top.

    • danv

      I'd Nick his Bampos

  • dailymailreader

    This is in the daily mail and telegraph now. Lot's of online commenters find it "despicable"

  • MASSIVE COCK

    Your superfluous apostrophe is despicable.

    • PaWn

      your superfluous cunthair is despicable