Wank Prank At St Andrews

An official-looking sign banning masturbation has appeared in St Andrews’ university library.

Stressed St Andrews students were told to stop masturbating in the library last week.

Students found a notice in the boy’s toilets of the library that warned them not to have a cheeky fiddle.

The notice, which featured an official University letterhead, reminded students that “masturbation in the library toilet is a violation of the University of St Andrews [sic] Library Regulations.”

The sign explained that the “excessive amount of semen stains on the floor cost [sic] thousands of pounds to be removed professionally,” advising students to “go home and masturbate if (they) are bored.

The notice bears striking resemblance to a prank sign found in Durham University’s showers two years ago.

Library authorities appear to have kept the issue well in hand, and The Tab can confirm that the sign has since been removed.

Nick Batho, a third year historian at St Andrews told The Tab: “It was pretty funny but it must be fake. It’s too weird a thing for finance to care about.”

And Ciaran Brenner, a third year medic at St Andrews, added: “I think the consensus is it’s a fake but I’ve no idea who it was. Then again, it was put up in reading week so maybe the stress was getting to some of the guys.”

St Andrews’ University Press Office has confirmed the that the sign was a hoax, pointing to the fact that the wrong stamp was used on the notice. A real notice would read “library;” not “finance.”

But this isn’t the only saucy library action to hit universities in recent years. Last year, Worcester College in Oxford was engulfed in scandal after students’ traditional “naked half hour” in the library came under fire from college authorities.

Meanwhile, last exam term saw an outburst of sexy messages sent through the Library Whispers service in Cambridge.

  • *yawn*

    University of Essex got one as well last week… BO-RING grasping at straws, Tabbies?

    • thumb judge

      Your anti-tab comment was not well received by readers of the tab…shock

  • No shit

    Obvious prank is prank shock!

  • Prince William

    Damn, I've been found out

    • but…

      he's not there any more you idiot…!

      • Semen clinic manager

        only his semen would costs thousands of pounds to clean.

  • blasé

    It was funny the first time.

  • They could at least

    .. have been a bit more creative with their vocabulary. May I suggest:
    http://www.worldwidewank.com/generator.html

  • Juan Sheet

    I guess you haven't seen the Freedom of Information request then..
    http://www.whatdotheyknow.com/request/masturbatio

  • reading week

    "Then again, it was put up in reading week so maybe the stress was getting to some of the guys.”

    The most stressful week of being a student at St Andrews, when you actually have to read something. What do they do the rest of the time?

  • Not

    yet another fake story like this. Seen it before with Durham and a University in Singapore. Boring to say the least…

  • Not yet
  • Obsessed

    Is someone at the tab a bit obsessed with masturbation?

    Good puns though.

  • Editor

    Every, single, year. This has been around since at least 2005, write something original, losers.