She shall be great, and shall be called THEATRE GUIDE DOG IV, and she shall reign over Cambridge theatre for ever, and of her kingdom there shall be no end. Amen.

And there was in the same country techies abiding in the field, keeping watch over their props by night. And, lo, the reviewer of The Tab came upon them, and the glory of The Tab shone around them: and they were sore afraid. And the reviewer said unto them: ‘Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all thesps. For unto you is born this day in the city of Camtown a Saviour, which is THEATRE GUIDE DOG IV. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in scandalous opinion, lying in a manger.’

And suddenly there was with the reviewer a multitude of the heavenly host praising The Tab, and saying, Glory to The Tab in the highest, and in the comments-section peace, goodwill toward anonymous cunts.

Duologues Competition 21st November only

Came the disciples unto the Guide Dog, saying: ‘Who is the greatest in the kingdom of Cambridge?’ And the Guide Dog called 15 other actors unto her, and set herself in the midst of them. And said, Verily I say unto you, ye shall all try, but none shall prevail. For none other shall win the First Corpus Playroom Duologues Competition, except the Guide Dog herself.

Corpus Playroom, 9.30pm £5-6

Treasure Island 22nd November – 3rd December

And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for the slow man to now purchase tickets to the annual ADC Footlights Pantomime.

ADC, 7.45pm £8-12

Miss Julie 22nd-26th November

Ye who dare may regard the three-pronged form which hath its place within the Corpus these six nights. Ye who dare may also witness the beauteous awe of its Tumblr page.

Corpus Playroom, 7pm, £5-6

Play and Other Plays 22nd-26th November

Verily I say unto you, those that weary not of the Plays of the Freshers, nor those of the Pembroke Players shall be blessed. For those that weary not are those of faith. Those that brave the several plays of Beckett in a row are those of great faith.

Pembroke New Cellars, 7pm £4-5

A Children’s Guide to the Birth of Christ 22nd-26th November

The name of Jeff Carpenter standeth in judgement before his Lord The Tab once more.

Corpus Playroom, 9:30pm £5-6

Fierce 23rd-26th November

For if the woman writeth a one-woman show, and the woman perfometh the one-woman show, and the woman hath excellent poster design, thou shalt applaud the woman, and buyeth tickets.

ADC, 11pm, £4-6

Speed-the-Plow 23rd-26th November

The prophet Mamet returneth again unto us, for those that are not here awearied of soul and may make pilgrimage unto distant college auditoria.

Cripps Auditorium, Magdalene, 7.30pm £4-6

An Ideal Husband 24th-26th November

If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. And yea, verily, he that is the true follower of the theatre is the true follower of abomination.

Chadwick Room, Selwyn, 7:30pm £5-7

Two Gentlemen of Verona 26th November only

O fear the Simultaneous Shakespeare, ye disciples: for there is no want to them that fear it. Though charity be the virtue of a pure heart.

Homerton Auditorium, 7pm, £3

Hamlet 27th-29th November

O fear the Free Shakespeare, ye disciples: for there is no want to them that fear that, either. Though free shows be a virtue for the Week 7 purse.

Judith E. Wilson Studio, 7.45pm, free

  • Eye

    'Theater Guide Dog' is the worst thing about The Tab.

    • transatlantic

      US English is the worst thing about everything.

    • Jesus

      Theatre Guide Dog sends festive goodwill to anonymous comment cunt. Anonymous comment cunt is ungrateful.
      See the light, friend.

  • TPJ

    This has depressed me no end. I currently see no point to life, even, yes, my beloved U21s commitment. Goodbye dear friends. Until I rise from the tabloid ashes under a new guise….

  • Logic

    Just because you personally don’t find it offensive doesn’t mean that other gay people don’t. Sometimes the words don’t mean anything, but at other times they do, and using gay as an insult can be very insulting.