The News From The Dark Blues

Peter Andre is about, Christians are angry and Harry Potter fans are happy in Oxford this week. JAMES ROTHWELL explains.

Oxford was star struck this week by appearances from both Peter Andre and Wu-Tang Clan founder the GZA.

Speaking at the Oxford Union to a gaggle of adoring freshers, Andre’s appearance was noticeably lower-key than the hip-hop legend, who delighted his audience with a speech seamlessly woven with song lyrics.

Oxford Union’s finest

Meanwhile, Andre moaned for a bit about being famous, expanded on his latest charity exploits and rather condescendingly told students that, if they tried really, really, really hard, they could be just like him. Aww.

“Can you say that something you really, really wanted, you have gone and done it?” Andre asked one perplexed student who promptly responded “No”, and then revealed his dream was to be a biologist.

Indeed most of the people in the chamber seemed to want to be biologists, or MPS or doctors – except, apparently, the two Union hacks sat behind me during the speech (Rah, rah, going to release a single like Andre, yah, total bantz.) These two noble scholars truly challenged, nay, redefined my preconceptions about the good ol’ Union – thanks, chaps.

In other news, there has been rather a large ding-dong going on between Oxford’s Christian Union and the rest of the University, namely its baby-eating, saint-bashing moral-hating unwashed masses. The gig was that sceptical students would text the society with a question about Jesus and, in response some poor bastard would come to their room to do the laundry, and answer their question.

For most, it was a jolly good deal. However for the atheists among the colleges it proved a delicious opportunity for what I believe the internet-savvy refer to as “trolling.” The result, as you can probably imagine, dear reader, was a great deal of outrage on both sides, which was all fun and games until someone tried to exonerate the pope from his complicity in child abuse. Whoops.

So tell me about Jesus…

Elsewhere, the University’s student union are unrolling their plans for a new community warden scheme, which is supposed to improve town/gown relations. If their promotional pamphlets are to be taken literally, it also involves tooling up in a Wolverine costume.

The history library debate has also raged on, without anyone paying much attention and the University’s Harry Potter Soc has announced plans of a Sorting Hat evening, much to the glee of its legions of bespectacled nerds. What would Emma Watson say, I hear you jocularly ask. That remains a mystery, at least for now…

And that’s about it for this week, folks – Rothwell out.