The Perfect Exam Term Package

The Tab goes in search of your exam term essentials.

And so it’s time for the big one: the White Knuckle experience. Whilst Easter Term 2012 proves to be much like your local Big Dipper in many ways – seat belts advised, no pregnant women, vomit to be expected – it does require slightly more forward planning. So The Tab asks students what they will be packing this term to ward off the physical and emotional decay…

A Bunny  (Katie Mair)

According to  ‘rabbits also communicate through a variety of ways such as stomping a hind leg, grunting, honking/oinking softly, grooming each other, etc.’ When times get tough in the library, take a leaf out of Thumper’s book and indulge in a bit of rabbit-inspired rumpy. Stomp up to your desired bookworm. Grunt. Hop nearer. Honk softly into their hair. Groom him/her. Go at it. Like rabbits.

We ain’t nothing but mammals 

A Decent Shag Pile  (Ben Dalton)

Much of exam term will be spent on the floor. Be this the floor of the library, the college urinals or your bedroom you will be doing similar movements on each: lying face down, weeping into the close-up, dust-mite infested blur. So I’m packing a friendly, padded surface upon which to do this: my best best shag pile. Also, if you decide to entertain guests on your floor, a shag pile allows for the cosy novelty feeling of picnicking on a large dog.

A Poster of Titanic (Hattie Peachey)

This term I will be bringing with me a titanic poster of the Titanic. I don’t mean a gurning Kate and Leo with an ominous bow looming over them. I mean one that tells it as it is. Then, when it gets really bad and I feel like I’m being pulled under shouting “Iceberg!”, I can comfort myself with a cliché – worst things do, indeed, happen at sea.

For those in peril…

A Deckchair (John Bardsley)

My exam essential has to be the humble deckchair. I’m lucky enough to have a balcony in my accommodation, so this gem could serve as a handy outdoor revision tool. Scientific studies (my own) have proven that people work better in fresh air and you might get a sneaky tan in as well. Cambridge has a great variety of greenery, so at some point in the next eight weeks a deckchair has to have its moment.

A Signed Photo of Gareth Gates (Tabatha Leggett)

Exam term is tough, and the UL is a confusing place. It’s all too easy to get lost in the North Wing and simultaneously lose sight of who you really are. That’s why, this exam term, I’m taking my signed photograph of Gareth Gates to Cambridge. I’ll carry it with me wherever I go in order to remind myself that however tough exams might be, however unpleasant revision is, and however mental everyone around me may become, I have the love of Gareth. And that’s all I really need.

An inspirational (Pop) Idol 

A Sprig of Mint (Henrietta Kelly)

This multipurpose shrub is an invaluable investment for Easter Term. It keeps your room smelling Listerine fresh and has the added benefit of being a mild sedative, counteracting the inevitable caffeine shakes.  It settles stomachs and aids digestion, a perfect remedy for those plagued with nervous flatulence. And when exams are a distant memory and May Week is upon us, there should be enough left over for Pimms on the lawn. Ideal.

So there you have it. You’ve borne witness to the counsels, and you’d be darned foolish not to take them on board.

Now, get stretching that suitcase, and find a good patch of travel-soil for that mint sprig. Good luck everyone… we’re going in. 

  • Always Coments First

    Hi there!
    I'm really hoping and praying that this'll be published thirst! for! a! glass! of! water!
    I always sip water in exam term.
    Thanks Tab! I'll keep keeping a TAB on you!
    The ACF Machine

  • TPJ

    Can I get my nakey Tabatha Leggett pics tpoo

    • Coach

      Shouldn't you be at U21s training!

  • Hey


  • Larry Zhukman

    Saying as you didn't bother to ask me (again), I would have anything by my fav band, New Order

    • Zhukman's Conscience

      no you wouldn't. you'd have some chewing gum, taken from a private place.

  • Gay Appleyard

    This article makes me angry.