Cambridge’s Rear Of The Year

It’s been a year since the world discovered P.Middy’s bum. TABATHA LEGGETT is on the look out for the next big thing.

It’s been a year since Pippa Middleton’s bum hit the headlines at her sister’s royal wedding. We’ve all seen the crumpetsbought the support tights and got the surgery.

But that wedding was a year ago, and while Kate is getting more beautiful by the day, P. Middy’s once show-stopping rear is frankly So Yesterday (so yesterday).

It’s time to find a new bum on which to focus our attentions. And this time, it’s got to belong to a man.

That’s why, in the last few weeks, I’ve had a crack at finding Cambridge’s Rear of the Year. So sit back, relax, enjoy and vote:

—————-

HARRY from Tit Hall

Harry is from a farm in Wales, and his favourite chat up line is, “Did you know I have 21,000 chickens?” Harry may be ass-toundingly gifted in the poultry department, but rumour has it that’s not the only reason behind his success with the ladies.

—————-

OSCAR from John’s

Oscar used to work at JJB Sports, and he pitches woo with the line: “Do you like raisins? How about a date then?” With a bum like that, I don’t think anyone would p-arse up the chance to eat dried fruits with Oscar.

—————-

BEN from Fitz

Ben’s room smells like a weasel, and his favourite chat up line is, “Hi, would you like to have lunch at my Grandma’s? Pretty sure it’s casserole Tuesday!” We’ve all heard about Ben’s Grandma’s rear-ly good culinary skills.

—————-

DAVID from Girton

David once got his penis stuck inside a letter box, and his favourite chat up line is: “My magic watch tells me you’re not wearing any underwear. It must be an hour fast.” We don’t know what David’s doing bumming around near letter boxes, but his behind is simply arse-tonishing.

—————-

MATT from Tit Hall

Matt once dressed up as a female Santa and wore a G-string to a Christmas bop. His best chat up line is: “You’re like an optical illusion – you make all the other women in the room disappear.” Incidentally, Matt supports Arse-nal.

—————-

HARRY from Pembroke

Harry recently judged the arses of two men to compare which was hairier. He claims not to need chat up lines, and instead tells girls about his days of bum judging. So far, all girls have turned away with looks of fear and repulsion, but Harry tells us that the girl that stays is the one for him. He’s still looking.

—————-

So there you have it: six lovely bottoms. But which ones are ass-thetically pleasing? Are any a dis-ass-ter? And which would you send to the bottom of the pile? Take part in our poll below, and let us know.

  • Shocked

    Seriously? Like actually? This is a real article?
    Why don't you just do Tab Tits of the Year instead?

    • Matty McBroide

      sounds like great craic.

    • Tit Hall

      would make another double showing, methinks.

      • Tit Haller

        Really? Are you even at this college?

        • Perhaps

          a bit of word play revolving on there being two Tit Hallers in this, and generally two breasts on women, rather than a crass comment on anatomy?

          • tit

            plus the whole tit/tit thing

  • Matty McBroide

    Some real nuggets here

  • disappointed

    these aren't women

    • Straight

      Hahahah I really like this! Women's bums are so much better than men's bums, I'm not gay. I want at all times to see naked women, bleurggh naked men!

  • Madame Tickle

    Harry's a-be in me dreams tonight, oh yes ma'am

  • Concerned sit-izen

    Don't like the look of Oscar's discolouration, get it checked out.

  • BREH

    i think we should do a front-bottom contest. yeaaahh buddeeeeee

    • Ball gargler

      if their balls hung low enough you would be able to see more

  • what the…

    this is not journalism.

    • Helen Charman

      You're right genius internet commentator! Come to Varsity and we'll show you how to do it! Your amazing wit and style is just what we need.

      • SideBoobNippleSlip

        Lest we forget, Varsity also found itself in similar hot water not too long ago, and ended up removing an article from its website…
        http://cambridgetab.co.uk/news/varsity-embedded-i

        Doubtless (in light of recent reports in the national press regarding the ladies ‘version’ of rear of the year) the tone/angle/editorial line/whatever-you-want-to-call-it of The Tab article above, will possibly enrage some that dislike

        The point of posting this link above is honestly not an attempt to provide further ammunition to those angry with the Tab and to allow them to add “hypocrisy” to the list of charges which may or may not being leveled to the Tab editorial team from certain quarters.

        However, it just goes to show Student publications (TAB, TCS or Varsity) are exactly that – student led, student run – and mistakes will inevitably get made, in terms of decisions about what material is published, tone, content, editorial judgment etc etc.

        I for one would rather accept that ‘the mad, the bad and the dangerous’ (plus even to some the ‘downright bloody idiotic’) will exist in the Cambridge student media – than experience the student media that seems to be all too common at other Universities, whether here in the UK or worldwide that are routinely subject to constant pre-publication interference from the powers their respective universities themselves or (perhaps worse still) their Students’ Union themselves.

        (if you are in a rush – in summary, what I was basically banging on about in the above – was essentially: The price we pay for a ‘free student press’ is the occasional bum cheek). :-)

    • Rob

      No it's called being a student and having a laugh.. It's what makes life more fun.. Get a grip

  • Surprisingly

    good asses from TIT Hall

  • Wow

    This makes me so glad I came on Tab today. #REALLYSARCASTIC

  • Masculinist

    can't believe how much this objectifies men

    • Woo

      +100. LEVEL UP

  • I LIKE BIG BUTTS

    AND I CANNOT LIE…

  • Tommy Palacios

    Amateurs.

  • Tommy P

    How the fuck did I not make the shortlist?

  • Sorry Tommy

    We tried but the file size corrupted the computer.

  • Man

    This is really sexist! Why are there no female contenders? Or is that to come later…

    • Another Man

      Yeah 'Man' it's going to be called Cambridge's Best Front Bum.

  • ilovegareth

    WHERE IS GARETH JOHNSON????

  • Enore-moose

    Judging by the shadow david from girton is hung like a stag, not a mere moose.

    • Albert Newton

      Shadows get darker when they intersect.

  • asr

    Why are comments allowed for this but not for Fit college?

  • disappointed

    There's no TPJ

  • DAT

    ASS

  • Just wanked

    over this and worked out they were men.

    • impressed…

      you use masturbating to establish the gender of people?

  • Adonis Society

    You're all invited to our next little soirée X

  • yawn

    This is obviously the tab's lame attempt at being risque.

    • Matty McBroide

      You're right, your mum was much better at it. Waaaaay

  • Wobblefactor

    Well done, Harry… not a sliver of excess blubber.

  • David Leahy

    Hi, my (very famous!!) dad came 3rd in the 2006 Rear of the Year competition!!!!

    (Look under his "Honours" section on wiki!!!!! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terry_Leahy)

    Sooooo, if anyone needs any tips or anything, I'm more than happy to help!!!!! And, remember, h8rz gon h8.

    Lots of love,

    Disco Dave

  • Bad rump

    Why are all these bott-botts so bad except for the two Harrys'? Tab Team didn't sniff around enough for good glutes.

  • Fudgepacker

    Harry has nice buns…and is not disembodied. Coincidence?

  • LAD

    I would so have one this. My arse dimples are peerless.

  • Juliet

    Our university is ranked best and number 1 in the world and this is the best we have to offer the world? Shouldn't we be studying or doing something useful with our time? Some people would be thinking, how did all these "Chavs" get into Cambridge in the first place? What kind of a woman would send a photo of her arse to be graded as if she were a piece of meat?

    • i really

      really hope you're being ironic after the girls' rear of the year thing.

    • voice of reason

      Grow up you big doo-doo head

  • John

    Where are the women? Why can you objectify men but not women?

  • notoriousd

    Why has the women's section now disappeared? Sexism and censorship all in one go, and these hacks will become the next generation of politicians!

  • papi middleton

    fucking shitty papparazi !!! why dont u show ur own bum so that we can kick it so hard u dont post such stupid contests again.

  • allison

    soon : dick of the week… huh?

  • alien

    where are the others hips ? want to see girls hips what the fuck???

  • Perhaps…?
  • http://www.accordioncam.com aLpinepro

    very very bad ass's .. please , see J.lo

  • why

    is this still the most read article?

    • Daily Mail

      its britains enraged tabloid readers hoping to sneak a peek of the girls rear of the year

  • Birkan

    Ahahaha :) This was news in Turkey!

  • johnthomas@Tom.com

    Noobs

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  • Rory Hardingham

    WHY IS CHESSIE RITCHIE NOT IN THIS? her booty is the reason my laptop looks like a plasterers radio. She gets 2 votes from me, and my w****** hand! (That’s ‘writing’ hand btw)

    Roz Out

  • Zahaan F Sabuwala

    i hated this picture