Tit Hall’s waterpolo team can’t swim but they can strip. OLIVER GOLDSTEIN reports on their lead up to Cuppers.

One small team are making huge waves in the world of water polo this weekend. The Trinity Hall water polo team has been the cause of much hype recently, with their team photo stunt drawing much female attention from all around Cambridge. One female student claimed that the athletes are “too sexy to be Cambridge students”.

Tit Hall’s Team showing their guns

The team, which has come together in the past months under the captaincy of Matthew Walton (University squad and Jailbreak Winner) are regarded as the underdogs of the competition, which takes place over three days this weekend at the Leys pool.

 

Group1 Group2 Group3
Christ’s St John’s Clare
Queens’ Magdalene St Catz
Selwyn Jesus Trinity
Caius Emma Tit Hall

 The group stages

With the transfer window opened for teams to recruit blues players whose colleges are not entered, Catz and Queens have quickly jumped to the favourites, snaring the Blues Captain 2011/12 Dan Woolcott and Hamish Crichton [Captain 2012/13].

When asked to comment on the negotiations, Woolcott described them as  “intense” and “hilarious”. Trinity Hall, despite losing their bids to capture Hamish, managed to poach 3 players from Pembroke. Josh Hirsh Witz, James Robson and Rob Sanders have all jumped ship. Matt is confident this will ensure their victory.

When Josh H was asked what made him steer clear of the industrial and faceless teams who waved around large budgets in the negotiations he replied, “Water polo is a game about heart and unlike other blues players, who chased lucrative contracts, bright lights, hollow victories and fickle fans, I followed my heart minnows and joined the underGODS.”

Now the pub-based negotiations are over, Trinity Hall looks to be truly shaking the foundations of its rivals, with brand new stash, brand new players, and the uninterrupted drive to win.

We talked to Matt about the intense training his team and the Pembroke three had been enduring in the weeks up to their big games. He said, “I think everyone has pushed themselves to their limits, Josh has been working hard on his throwing ‘Lat’, and most of the team may have completed a press up in their own time. I couldn’t be more impressed with them all.”

When we asked Matt about rumours that their goalkeeper needed arm bands to stay a float he simply replied “please, that’s only when he’s in the deep end, and no other teams will be coming anywhere near our goal in any case.”

Other teams are more sceptical. Owen Waugh, player for John’s and waterpolo blue told The Tab: “I’m sure their pride will be as easy to puncture as their arm bands.”

The cuppers take place, Friday 9-10pm, Saturday 4-5pm, and Sunday 11-12am. I know which team I’ll be rooting for.

  • Thanks for that

    This article is full on in-jokes that concern a group of people no bigger than 30.

    • Taddie

      yeeeeah buddy!

  • Tamsin Club

    Shameless self-promotion Mr. Walton

    • not-a-member

      If only he could fix the club with such an article…

    • Keen to get invloved

      Is the tamsin club a college team? How many people are in can i join?

  • Tamsin Club Kit Sec

    We are recruiting, apply to Mr T. Maxey of Jesus College

    • Keen

      Is the club easy to join?

      • SO.

        Easy. No subs either.

        • Keen

          I also travel between Girton and South Devon a lot, does the Tamsin Club offer any accomodation benefits?

          • YES

            Funny you should ask, it does- free accomodation at Girton and Torquay!

  • They're quite

    Pasty and scrawny

    • Are you surprised

      they're a college sports team….

    • humorlads

      calm down they're clearly just having a laugh

  • Incredibly

    …average?

  • WTF

    I was definitely not quoted for this….
    DW

  • Bemused

    the fuck is this…?

  • Confused

    I thought college sports teams were meant to contain members of that college?

    • High Horse

      Somewhere along the way the honour of college sports has been lost.
      The Blues team made it about them, making colleges bid over them to satisfy their inflated egos, fixing the system to give them a greater chance of fleeting cuppers victory.
      It was meant to be about the sport and the competition, college sports is about loyalty to your crest, not about jumping ship to win plastic trophies.

      • Pope Urban II

        I smell a crusade…

  • What its all about!

    Great sense of humor, what its all about!

  • Mighty Mighty Clare

    The fact that Oli neglects to mention the threat from Clare's (nearly) all-blue dream team highlights THWPC's naivete and vulnerability in this most glorious of upcoming showdowns. Also, n'awww at Matt's modest water polo ball.

    • speedo-man

      Clearly the fact that Clare couldn't get their women to pose chest naked on a lawn was a determinant factor for not getting a mention here.

      • obviously

        whoever wrote this is aware of the bumper newnham transfer package to clare and is hoping some publicity whore will take the hint…

  • Water Polo Pedant

    "When Josh H was asked what made him steer clear of the industrial and faceless teams who waved around large budgets in the negotiations…" look at those tempting (non-regulation though, disappointing) shorts and (according to the rumour mill/ not shown here) water polo caps! That's a generous Tit Hall budget I see right there. Much better than shit Caius formal tickets or John's sambuca.

  • Mercenary

    Going to have a problem with the "2-girls-in-the-water-at-any-time" rule…oh sorry couldn't see the difference between the guys and girls in the Tit Hall team, but think I can now spot a few ladies in the photo

    • LOL!!!

      LOL!!!

  • actually

    I'd say the majority of team is entirely meh, the only hot ones are the three in the middle.

    • Rowing Messageboards

      Hi Peterhouse men

      • What

        is this?

  • Disappointed.

    Only three of them are even bangable.

  • ClareMily

    The far right, that's Oli right? I've seen him around, he is hot stuff

    • IWantHim

      I was wondering what was his name, he is really hot!

  • who's

    the one on the far right? He looks like a twat.

  • Tab?

    why the fuck have you published this?

  • Weatherman

    Was it a cold day?

  • One small team

    You got that right.

    • Good one

      …clap clap

      • Am I wrong

        in pointing out that they have small weiners? No.

  • Tit Haller

    I feel embarrassed by this article

    • Real tit haller

      Get the fuck out of our college you imposter.

  • Tom

    Great article… Not

  • i love

    sam levy

    • Sipke

      me too

  • daniel

    The middle one with the ball, whats he hiding?