Whether walk of shame or stride of pride, look your best with TOMMY SHANE and GRACE FARMILOE’s guide to looking fly on the fly.

The only thing worse than hitting one of Cambridge’s sweat-pit-clubs in full formal attire, is performing a walk of shame home in the morning, in full formal attire. The untied bowtie and the heels-in-hands look are, no matter what you might think, hopelessly conspicuous. Save yourself the embarrassment and adapt your formal wear to retain style, elegance – and, above all, a scrap of dignity.

Girls’ formal wear is always going to be more flexible, so choose something that is respectable without being too solemn – this isn’t a ball. A red bowtie with blue braces makes the dinner suit a little more adaptable for the night to come – and remember, think ahead: if you’re aiming for a speedy strip, real bowties come off the quickest.

 Wine, heels, stairs – be careful...

 The classic formal formula

Pondering where they’ll be spending the night

Doff the heels and don the trainers – nobody wants to muddy their stilettos in the grim puddles outside Life, let alone be seen stumbling around in them the morning after. A Harrison jacket can play down the bowtie, and that tartan inner lining will look great on the bedroom floor next to your strewn red bowtie.

 Formally transformed

Steal a jumper, cardy, or whatever you can – you’re essentially faced with a free wardrobe, so make the most of it. This is less easy for boys, so just get rid of the bowtie and braces, and BAM – shuffle back in the early hours or just head straight to your 9 am lectures.

 Checking nobody’s looking (but secretly hoping they are)

Absolutely loving it

Models: James Scot and Sarah W

Styling: Tommy Shane and Grace Farmiloe

Photography: Nick Rutter

Clothes: John Lewis

  • But

    Apart from the fact that for formal dress a coloured bow tie is a major faux pas, braces should not be worn with black tie and this guy has no cummerbund or waistcoat.

    • Actually

      Braces are correct for black tie. It's belts that are wrong. Although as they are technically underwear, a gentleman would of course never let them be seen outside the bedroom…

      • Underwhere?

        I wouldn't exactly call braces underwear – they go *over* your shirt, which is evidently suitable for public viewing.

        They're a bit pointless though – just buy trousers that fit in the first place. Wearing braces is just a sign either that you don't rate your ability to steer clear of the pies in the future, or that you used to be fatter than you already are.

        • Tailor

          Someone has never owned a pair of correctly fitted formal trousers…

          • Sartorially Superior

            So 'correctly fitted formal trousers' are supposed to be hung from your shoulders by two pieces of elastic? What's wrong with buying something that fits around your waist?

    • Waaah

      I agree with what you say except that I think braces are an essential part of black tie (though admittedly not clip on style as pictured).

      The photos aren't too clear, but it doesn't even look particularly like he's wearing a dinner jacket – he has step lapel, whereas dinner jackets should be either shawl or peaked, and it doesn't look like the lapels have silk facings. Bow-tie also looks pre-tied.

      Basically, everything that could be done wrong has been done wrong.

      • only at cambridge

        would comments about what actually counts as formal wear elicit so many likes / dislikes from a group of people who are most likely under 21 years old.

  • What

    This seems slightly uneven – she ends up looking like she's going to lectures… and he's still in a fucking bowtie.

    • Been there done that

      Probably cos they ended up at her place – she had a sensible wardrobe to choose from, whereas he had to make do with undoing his bow tie and carrying his jacket.

  • Not to mention

    how poorly this is written

  • Wrong

    Clip on braces? Please…

  • who cares

    I thought the tab was originally meant to be like a tabloid, hence the name. It's supposed to a bit of fun. Now we've got twats in the comments talking about bow ties and 'formal dress'.

    • No.

      a tab is a cantab – bow ties and formal dress de rigeur

  • James Scott

    OOOO i went to Eton!

    • judge

      … but can't dress properly?

  • I MISS

    ELISKA. what is with this photography?

  • L. Benton

    What is this Varsity? The shoot is tired, dull, poorly styled and poorly shot.

  • get a

    real bow tie.

  • Bedroom Flaw

    The frantically discarded jacket might well look great next to the strewn red bow tie, but not knowing his Harrison from his Harrington ain't gonna impress her much.

    • Mate…

      … you're doing it wrong. If she's stopping to read the label on the inside of your jacket, it's probably not going to end as well as you'd hoped…

      • Second Flaw

        Mate, no (reading the label inside the) jacket required – they're styles, not brands.

  • DONATELLA SAYS…

    this is literally crap!! Its clear Miss Eliska and Tom Raz have been spoiling Tab readers who actually enjoy fashion. BRING THEM BACK

  • Disgusted

    this is just embarrassing… Shameful Shane and Failure Farmiloe… your article was as bad as the pun I just made on your names

  • mutton

    the 'girl' in the anti-penultimate picture looks about 50…

  • Michael James

    @mutton – Might be the styling, considering she is wearing an oversized granny cardigan…She looks pretty girlish in all the other pics…Not her fault she's dressed like that!

  • disappointed

    There's a crucial issue with a fashion piece with only two outfits. The only thing to justify it was clever ways to cover up a walk of shame, but the guy is incredibly obvious, and the girl seems to have a) left her heels at his house b) found a pair of trainers. They certainly don't fit in her bag, and nobody's going to go to cindies with a holdall. Also, this was all about advance planning, but most of the time walks of shame are a good run of luck, not preplanned.

  • hmmm

    Booooooooooring

  • Bounder
  • Disappointed.

    Hahahahahahahaha, this is simply the most atrocious Tab article I've ever had the misfortune to read. The male model's attempts are simply laughable. Well done, Shane and Farmiloe. You've brought shame upon both yourselves and the Fashion section of The Tab.

  • cunt

    male model looks like an idiot, nobody would wear their bow tie to the club you fucking chumps

  • big fan

    stylish shane and fashionable farmiloe – you guys whipped it out the bag with this one. was a really good idea!

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