LEAF ARBUTHNOT is back with food to feed the brain.

I crossed the threshold of exam term feeling absurdly buoyant. Yeah, work! Yeah, a reduced social life! Bring it, gym trips and early-morning yoga!

I fully believed that getting back down with the books, after two terms of awkward relations, would be good fun, manna for both soul and intellect. Well, it hasn’t been.  Revision is dull; not seeing/having friends is depressing. I want my mother.

That said, there are ways of leavening the leaden vibe. One tactic to preserve exuberance is to treat your body well. Eating shrewdly enhances both general cheerfulness and intellectual performance, increasing the efficiency with which one can storm academic citadels.

To this end, I have spent many a lunch break experimenting with ‘superfoods’ – particularly nuts, fish, fruit and vegetables, renowned for their ability to boost brainpower. Even if you don’t feel instantly Einsteinian after a meal based on these kinds of ingredients, you will at least feel smug because they are sickeningly healthy.

Here are four recipes that are guaranteed to get you a starred first and a fellowship from your college. Maybe.

Green soup

I am aware that not everyone relishes the idea of picking nettles for their lunch; fortunately, this soup is just as good without them.

Fry one onion and two cloves of garlic in a pan with olive oil. Add two leeks, chopped up into rough pieces, and half a litre of chicken stock. Boil for a bit. Add three large handfuls of fresh spinach, or a Sainsbury’s bag full of freshly cut nettles (avoid ones that have flowered; the sting will go out of the nettles as soon as they have been boiled.)

Simmer for a bit, then add salt, pepper, cream and curry powder to taste. Blend.

Fail-safe fish sauce

The key to doing fish well is the sauce. This is very versatile and will go particularly dazzlingly with salmon, cod and prawns.

Combine ½ a cup of vinegar (rice, apple cider or white wine ideally), one tablespoon of honey, 4 cloves of garlic (chopped), ½ a teaspoon of chili powder and 1 tablespoon of fish sauce in a cup. Mix with a fork, and fry with fish.

Fig Jam

I know this is pretty niche, but fig jam is delicious, and one of the healthiest spreads around.

Chop up about twelve large figs into coins, about 1cm thick. Transfer to a large pan. Add the juice and rind of one lemon, and one cup of granulated sugar. Allow to soak for two hours. Then heat for one hour or so on a hob, stirring frequently, until it looks like jam.

Nutty-fruity flapjacks

These are healthier than most flapjacks because of the heavy fruit and nut contingent. They are also made in the microwave; hooray, yippee, huzzah.

Melt 100g butter and 50g caster sugar in the microwave, in a baking tray. Add 4 tablespoons of golden syrup or honey. Stir in 150g oats, and 50g bran flakes. Microwave for three minutes on full power. Then stir in a cup full of raisins and a cup full of mixed nuts. Microwave for another minute, then refrigerate.

There you have it – four foods to feed the brain. Superfoods are the way forward this term, they’re guilt-free and intellect-enhancing. So go on, ditch the Basics digestives and grab some Nutty-fruity flapjacks smeared in fig-jam.

  • ahhhh

    the soup looks like something straight out of bridget jones!

  • Wow

    Leaf has made recipes I actually might consider eating.

  • Exam Term Soldier

    all i need is red bull

    ROAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. TO THE LIBRARY!!

    • Cows go

      MMMOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

  • Head Chef

    1. "Simmer for a bit, then add salt, pepper, cream and curry powder to taste." You might as well have just written add green vegetables to taste and then blend. Salt/pepper fine, but curry powder and cream can turn it into something completely different. And BLEND? I doubt many people in Cambridge have a blender handy…

    2. Rice, apple cider or white wine vinegar all taste very different, and putting fish sauce in a fish sauce is a bad way to bring out the natural flavours of the fish itself, as fish shouldn't even be fishy if it's fresh….

    3. Your fig jam is loaded with added sugar. Figs are already naturally sweet, the health benefits are outweighed by the CUP OF SUGAR.

    4. Your knife is awesome.

  • Headline_Judge

    "Eggs-Ham Food"? Disappointing lack of either eggs or ham in your recipe suggestions…

    I prefer Souperfoods for Refishion

  • wait

    leaf arbuthnot is actually somebody's name?!

  • Eugene Geidelberg

    I am a zoologist, and I can confirm that eating food is adaptive.

    • Tim Ince

      You went to my school!

  • Mmmm

    Those flapjacks look unbeleafably delicious, 'mright guys?

    • Punbelievably Witty

      If I wanted to eat them in the bathroom, I'd make sure to take Arbuthnot a shower

  • confused

    How can fish sauce be an ingredient in fish sauce?

    • Sauceror

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fish_sauce

      Because 'fish sauce' and a sauce that you make for your fish are substantially different. The former looks, smells and tastes substantially like salty piss on its own, but if you just add a few drops to the latter, you don't really notice it.

      I wouldn't recommend it though – you'd be better off just using salt, and if that doesn't quite do it for you, take a slash in the saucepan too – the difference is immaterial.

      • MasterChef

        Do you regularly cook with urine then?

    • Inception

      BWAAAAAAARRRM

  • Concerned Citizen

    What else do you plan to do with that knife…?

  • FAN

    loved it as usual…. :D

  • Dan

    What does this say?

    Seriously, this is basically “I hate Miguel because he is rich” and “You don’t know about Africa, an area which I have an interest in, therefore I don’t have to know about what you have an interest in.”

    This article confirmed everything I have heard about you, you aren’t good at your degree, which is obviously not your fault, and you have a decent knowledge of a small area of African history and believe that if other people don’t have the same knowledge on this subject as you, they must be intellectually inferior.

    • Unlucky fellow history student

      This is absolutely spot on.

  • Rachel

    “I don’t personally subscribe to any political ideology, since I consider
    the actual level of political awareness at this uni to be stupidly
    lacking.”

    Leaving aside the obvious idiocy behind the idea that in order for you to have political awareness you must have a knowledge of Imperialism, can you not form your own ideological opinions? Maybe read a book? I’m not wealthy, books have never been a huge priority in my house, so literally on the Monday of week 1 I went to the library and took out some Rawls, Locke, Nozick, Mill, Burke and other books I had wanted to read. I have a vaguely sketched out ideology that is wholly independent of any of my fellow students.

  • student

    This article has no thread whatsoever, it seems to jump from one subject to another completely unrelated one. What has drug taking got to do with the decolonisation of Africa? I suggest that before you write your articles you should try and ensure they actually have a point. Also, aim to write something which isn’t an incoherent rant before you criticise other Warwick students for their supposed lower intellect.

  • Derek

    Shut up D

  • Andrew

    The only reason you are “controversial” is because your writing skills are terrible…

    Not because you are saying anything risky or new – you aren’t even saying anything that makes sense.

  • Jonathan Sewell

    This article seems to be made up entirely of those sudden ideas you get half an hour after making a badly-thought-out Facebook comment which make you think “damn, I wish I had thought of that half an hour ago”. Unfortunately, there’s no context to any of them.

    • Dieudonne Munyabarenzi

      In a sense this is true.
      i have always tried to make sure every article i post is my “real opnion”

      everything i post is the first draft with no editing for spell check ect.I am perfectly capable for using spell check or a dictionary to correct any spelling errors, i chose not to.
      Most article i write are based on, or are the direct results of a status i made on my facebook drunk.

      its the point, i publish my opinion in all its glory and shame, not what is the politically correct thing to do.
      I wish not for popularity but truth, if that is not clear, then do not read my articles.

      You clearly are incapable of understanding them

      • horatio

        The idea that not editing your articles somehow makes them rawer, somehow makes them truer, somehow makes them more valid, is ridiculous.

        I hope you realise that not proofreading =/= “real opnion”.

        Just… wow.

        • Dieudonne Munyabarenzi

          no no, this is an article based on a status i made.
          I am not a journalist, this is a fucking tabloid.

          If i wanted to publish a respectable article, i would publish in the boar.
          I write for the tab because i like the editor, and its fun.
          Beyond that i couldnt give a shit about my readership.

          But do carry on talking behind an alias, it really makes me respect you idiot

  • student

    The only thing that makes me happy about this is the relief I felt when the article loaded and I realised Dieudonne M’bala M’bala hasn’t joined the tab team.

  • Dieudonne Munyabarenzi

    i find it funny people suggesting i form my own political ideology after reading locke.
    First of all locke was a fucking moron who thought slavery was justified. So you even telling me to read him, is racist.
    So rachel, please tell me your name so i can sue you hahahaha.

    I have read hobbes, locke, rossoue.
    but have you read satre, camus, plato.
    Have you read any chinese philosophy
    have you read fanon, or Michael Trioullot.

    you people make me laugh.
    I might publish my library account, to show you how much ive read.
    As for not having much knowledge of my course, only people in my seminars know that.

    And my seminars consist of me and maybe 4 other people talking, and have done so for 2 years.
    If i dont know anything, and am one of the people who speaks, taking a wide variety of modules.
    This whole university should be demolished.

    Now i have no time for idiots, but do stick to making comments.
    Cause i really give a fuck what you think

    Also for the idiots who didnt understand.This entire thing was a reference to Slavok Zizek, but he isnt in the reading list, so i wouldnt expect half of you idiots to either know him, or understand what psycho analysis is.

    • horatio

      You’re an incredibly sad person.

      • Dieudonne Munyabarenzi

        My points arent that hard.
        perhaps you are just not intelligent enough to understand them.

        As for being sad, yes i am sad.
        the 85 richest people in the world are equal to 3.5 billion poorest.

        Why the fuck would i be happy.

        As for this andrew fellow.
        You know not my life, and know nothing about any racism i have had to suffer. Shut up,
        If you think me being offended at being told to read john locke ( a racist), is me playin the race card.
        You are an idiot.

        please tell me your full name and subject of study.
        I show you what racism looks like

        • You’re a tool

          The more you talk to more pathetic and immature you look.

          You play the big man asking for peoples names and IP addresses like you’re dangerous?

          Dangerous? You can’t even string a coherent sentence together…

          The internet eats up babies like you for breakfast.

          • Dieudonne Munyabarenzi

            if im so pathetic tell me your name. And we will see what happens :)

            • Still a tool

              Oooo what you going to do big man.

              You going to beat me up?

              You going to find me on facebook?

              You going to report me to people at the university?

              You are a complete joke.

              I hope you realise that there is nobody who read your article and your stupid comments and thought you were anything other than a 1st class bell-end.

              Piece of advice keyboard warrior, the internet isn’t your friend – you aren’t intelligent enough to use it properly.

              • Dieudonne Munyabarenzi

                im a key board warrior yet i dont hide behind an alias ok.

                also i am not a violent person, i would threatned you publicily, then attack you and get arrested.

                i want your name, if you dare.
                If you dont shut the fuck up

                • still a nob

                  No names on the internet prick.

                  If you want to win use your intellect…

                  Good luck hahahahahahahaha

                  • Dieudonne Munyabarenzi

                    You are an idiot.
                    But keep calling people pricks, whilst hiding behind a screen.

    • Andrew

      When you play the race card that easily you immediately insult the millions of people who suffer from genuine racism ever day.

      You are a disgrace.

      • why are you an idiot

        ah yes, the ‘race card’, as many notably non-racist people call it

        • Dieudonne Munyabarenzi

          Cause everyone knows us ethnic minorities have invented this game called racism.
          where we pretend people offend us, by pulling out cards.

          Somewhat like a card game.
          there is the race card
          the poor card
          the feminist card
          the fair pay card.

          but andrew is above that.

          No no on, andrew is not a racist, he knows some ethnic minorities.And as long as they know their place, and dont play the race card, they can stay andrews friends.

          Anyone who can find the ip of this idiot, and tell me his name, i will reward.

          You might a big mistake when you fucked with me andrew.
          As miguel has learnt so will you.

          Never bet against me, you will lose every time moron

          • Calm Down D

            Please point out a specific reference to somebody being racist in their comments because I don’t see one. Nobody on here gives a shit what colour your skin is or where you are from. What they are criticizing is your poor ‘journalism’ and clear hatred for anyone who is not from the same background as you. I think that makes you the one discriminating here.
            Also threatening people who comment that they disagree with you is completely perverted. If you don’t want other people’s opinions, don’t publish yours.

          • Bystander

            Contrary to what you think D, you definitely lost this one.

          • Shut up D

            Rachel never said anything racist to you and yet you accused her of it. YOU used racism as a tool in a debate.

            Andrew is correct, you’re a vile cretin.

    • Student1

      Yet you can’t spell Rousseau… did you read front cover?

  • Every sane person

    Your existence saddens me.

  • Libertarian

    Do you genuinely feel that a human life is priceless? That it has infinite value?

    • Dieudonne Munyabarenzi

      I think mine is, and i consider that of children to be.
      Beyond that not really, if people wish to be debt slaves ect.They should be, just not me, and not any children i like.
      For me freedom, is absolute negative liberty in the Hobbesian sense.
      But it is at the same time absolute, indepedence.
      It is autonomy, in ever sense. Children are capable of that to a degree but still need mentors in the form on parents.
      But once we have developed critical thinking, then exploration of knowledge should be what education should be about.

      otherwise you end up with situations as pathetic as my seminars, where people cant even talk confidently about fucking world war 2. And if you consider that to be education, or wroth 9k, i must question where your moral values come in./

      If anyone can prove to me that anythhing about a history degree at warwick is worth near 9k.
      I will quit complaining and never utter a word again.
      But you cant cause its not.
      Those who want to lie to themselves, and pat themselves on the back feel free to.
      You got into warwick welldone, that makes you an educated idiot.

  • Huh

    Something about the “most commented” system is fucked up

  • Dieudonne Munyabarenzi

    I intend to begin taking legal action against people at this university.
    Staff and students can expect to hear from my lawyers.

    You guys thought the internet was a joke, have fun in prison

    • Concerned Student

      This following comment is not a joke. It is a serious concern/worry that I have.

      Have you been diagnosed with a social disorder? Because it seems like the Tab are exploiting you unfairly.

      The closest analogy I can think of is a poorly trained circus animal.

      • Dieudonne Munyabarenzi

        Ah a circus animal. In what seems like an attempt to insult me, you have got to the heart of the matter.

        If as Shakespeare declared all the world is a stage.
        I chose to be a comedian, a clown.
        Whilst people laugh at me, i see them in their nakedness, and in that moment of openness, i see their very being.
        Beyond that, i could not care less about the opnions of others.
        But if you are concerned then more full you.
        You are a fucking idiot

        • Bellend

          An attempt to insult you? Just an attempt?

          I must agree, it doesn’t seem like you’ve been insulted at all.

      • Dieudonne Munyabarenzi

        You may ask why istay if i hate this uni so much.
        But sadly i stay because i have fallen in love with the beauty of the misery at warwick.
        The idea of very attractive depressed people is too poetic an inspiration for my work to leave.

        I do however have every intention of making sure that people like you gets what comings.
        And you will.
        Remember understalin how is was not the hangmans noose they feered, but the 5am knock…

  • Constantin
  • Mandelbrot
  • Apparently you know it all

    After reading this and seeing you at Candidate Question Time on Tuesday, I can safely rule out your chance of getting the SU President position. I think the word is “incoherent”.

  • Dieudonne Munyabarenzi

    Since i am tired of keyboard warriors.
    I am posting an open challange.

    Any student who thinks they know more about political theory than me, i challenge to a debate on Warwick Tv.
    Heck we can even do it Question time style and have live tweets which we both answer.

    Put your money where your mouth is.
    We can even stake our entire bank accounts.

    Or you pathetic little worms confined to chatting shit about me not to my face.
    Lets go.

    seriously if you are going to be pathetic, then dont try and fuck with people smarter than you

    • horatio

      I don’t get it. I watched your question time, and your warwick TV and tab interviews, and found you coherent, intelligent, and even surprisingly likeable. if your manifesto hadn’t just been a poorly thought out rant about the history department, I might have put you down as my first choice.

      and yet here, in your comments and articles, you come across as an unlikeable sociopath who does nothing but damage to his own cause. what’s up with that?

      • Dieudonne Munyabarenzi

        Do i strike you as someone who values your opinion?

        Just count yourself lucky i dont know your indentity

        • Nelson

          Somebody could bet their bank account against yours, but as you told the entire world, you don’t have any money after you spent £2000 drinking. #goodPRworkthere

        • Mr Indentity

          What wold you do if you did know horatio’s identity?

  • ‘I’m the hero Gotham deserves’

    “I’ve read a bunch of philosophy books. I’m therefore smarter than any of you morons (because, you know, history and philosophy automatically WIN in the hierarchy of intelligence). I’m so notorious that my article starts with ‘Dieudonne is back’ like I’m the arch-nemesis of some comic book.You say my writing is incoherent, unstructured and senseless? Oh…it’s just too clever for you, that’s all.”