Don’t Be Ashamed Of Caesarian Sunday

The infamous JOHNNIE WYVERN on why the party shouldn’t stop.

All of the cultures that have ever existed anywhere in the world have had three indulgences in common: music, sex, and drugs.

It was in this knowledge that I frowned at the ‘Caesarian Monday’ spread – the splurge of visceral hate spraying into our hearts and minds from the open mouths of the national press. Images of unconscious girls sprawled beneath cocksure schweffes displaying glittery thongs adorned every media outlet I could find. As with countless Caesarian Sundays before this year, our celebration of all-things-alcohol was deemed nationally noteworthy.

Pierre Novellie of Footlights fame officially makes Caesarian Monday ‘a thing’

There are plenty of easy jealousy-fuelled aspersions for the media to cast over these photos: “It’s inappropriate to get so mother-fucking drunk in a public place in the daytime!”, or “I was trying to take my children to the playground but three Wyverns were vomiting in the sandpit!”, or, my personal and rather stunning favourite, “If they have so much money to spend on alcohol, they can’t complain about rising tuition fees!”.

These in turn have easy, rational, and dull responses to fling back: “By and large we weren’t breaking the law!”, or “Weren’t you all young once?!”, or the ever so irrefutable “We work hard all year round, we should be allowed one day to let off steam!” While these retorts approach semi-validity, they seem contrary and reactionary and don’t defend our levels of debauchery very well.

More importantly, I don’t work hard. Ever.

Caesarian Sunday is so much more than one day to let off steam. Like punts, bicycles, twisting spires, and repressed homosexuality, it is to me quintessentially Cantabrigian. The day is a parade of our effective but unique oligarchical social structure: from the very loftiest of the drinking society big-dicks to the wettest of wet-behind-the-ears freshers, every stratum of our hedonistic hierarchy was in attendance on Jesus Green, slaying it as best they could.

Where Suicide Sunday is all about the big garden parties, all about being one of a seething thirsty mass chopping all before it, all about smearing everything in jelly and lube, cackling, and running all the way to Cherry Hinton, Caesarian Sunday is of a different ilk. It celebrates individuality. Whether it was singing on top of Castle Mound at the crack of dawn, running silly initiations, or just fighting amongst ourselves, there was a wonderful range of diverse and merry activities going on on Sunday.

It’s always going to happen: we scoff at the paparazzi, they scoff at us. Passing out, peeling off and drinking port out of condoms is one of hundreds of scandals the Daily Mail will print this week, and the furore will die down in minutes. Whereas quotes like “The Wyverns drinking society has a reputation for heavy drinking and hard partying” will keep me jolly for months.

With Suicide Sunday just around the corner, this fictional construct for one will feel proud to step back for a moment and watch as the action unfolds.

  • Jan

    Apparently the Squires president was told by the college the society would be banned from holding their garden party on college grounds

    • Scarlett, Sheffield

      But he is one HOT oriental.

    • but

      since when was it on college grounds?!

    • Slyvern

      Clearly a shameless prod in the direction of the Wyverns Garden Party, which was terrible last year. Desperate.

  • Caesar

    What a crock of shit. "Caesarian Sunday is of a different ilk. It celebrates individuality."

    It's fucking antisocial and you all know it, and you all revel in it. Fine – if folk want to make absolute arses of themselves go ahead, free country, all young once blah blah blah blah but don't try and dress it up as some noble enterprise. At least have the decency to admit it is largely a gang of twats being just that.

    Don't do yourself any favours…

    • Mr Burns

      booourns

  • Armchair Critic

    The entirety of this article isn't worth one full-stop of Pierre's Facebook status update.

  • Schweffacus

    "There was a wonderful range of diverse and merry activities going on on Sunday"

    …presumably including the chap in a chunder-encrusted blazer I saw being violent to random passers-by and stopping traffic on Castle Hill? Absolutely reprehensible.

  • Goldfish

    Is that thing about the goldfish bowl true? Do they still do that and do they drink the goldfish down with it? And if not do they let it just die or do they leave a bit of water for it to live?

  • Haterz

    gon' hate

  • Johnnie Wyevenbother

    'The day is a parade of our effective but unique oligarchical social structure'

    Loud prats being loud prats. That's hardly unique.

  • Hugo Cobb

    I can't believe that anyone would ever get involved in Caesarian Sunday, it is absolutely disgusting! I would never be seen dead there!

  • Jelly

    and Ice cream

  • lame

    It's just a big group of blazer wearing wankers. And what makes them even bigger wankers is that they think they're edgy and cool. When people see that in the media (and it wasn't reported that much) they think to themselves that Cambridge is just 'hooray henries'.

    • Prez2k12

      You mean coloured chinos and blazers aren't edgy and cool any more?

  • guess what…

    …nobody blooming cares about your "unique oligarchical social structure". And stop misappropriating the purported right to have fun or as an excuse to engage vile antisocial behaviour.

    Fortunately, most Cambridge students have the imagination (read common sense) to find better and more civilised ways of "letting off steam" without gratuitously causing public nuisance.

  • monster

    I was there but jesus christ mate you've got this wrong. This might as well have been written by Lexi or Sophie.

  • macklin dom

    jog on. it's not called Wyvern Sunday, mate.

  • #OneLooseDay

    Don't see the Caesarians jumping to the defence of their self-aggrandised day in the wake of bad press. The rest of Cambridge does not need the fight to have a loose day (whatever it might be called) at the beginning of exam term. It lasts for 5 minutes in a 15 hour day of boozing. To scale it up, that's like calling the entire year either my Birthday or Steak & Blowjob day. Deliciously saucy and satisfying but ultimately self-indulgent…

    • Praetor

      thats cos we don't need to jump to the defence of anything…we do what we do and don't try and justify it with a bullshit article. We don't do this for any self-aggrandisement, we just don't like it when other knobs try to aggrandise themselves by association.

      • Oh,

        I assume you had a good Russell-Sunday then…

  • Carbonara

    "It celebrates individuality"— everyone who goes is in a DRINKING SOCIETY- how is that individual??? all the same.

    • Wriggles

      SOMEONE's never been invited…

  • masochist

    SOMEONE PLEASE DISLIKE MY COMMENT. it gets me off.

    • masochist

      no come on guys, likes aren't helping. i crave dislikes for that orgasm.

      • masochist

        there we are

  • Cobbler

    Another chance for Cobb to blow his own (heard it's quite small) trumpet? Why was he even getting involved? Didn't think his head could get bigger, literally!

    • shit chat

      get better

  • Drinking Society Lad

    It's not my fault. Mummy and Daddy didn't give me any attention after sending me off to a posh boarding school so I was never supported to make something of myself apart from being really good academically. Mummy just wanted to boast about how "bright" I was and how I would get into a "top" university, Daddy was only interested in showing off to the neighbours, neither of them spent any time with me. Now I'm not good enough at anything else to have something to do with my life so I found others and now we drink heavily to block out the fact that we'll all die alone, unloved and unfulfilled. We've invented a social hierarchy to make ourselves feel special and we say we sit at the top in the hopeless desire that happier people will want to be like us.

    • Wow

      Bitter much?

    • #getoveryourself
    • Happy State school

      …drinking society lad with two caring parents.

      So how do you explain me?

      • KHS

        You're just a knob?

    • invited much

      Not

  • Bitch please

    Potatoes gonna potate

  • Matty McBroide

    See it off see it off see it see it off na na na na na na na na na

  • Embarrasing

    Drinking society people can't drink, end of. If you're going to have wanky blazers at least learn to hold your booze to justify them.

    • Ok…

      What a ridiculous generalisation, of course lots of them can drink. Why did you think it would be a good idea to write a comment implying you can drink more than all "drinking society people"? To make it clear how bitter you are that that's not their only criteria and you therefore haven't been invited?

    • Tight schedule

      Sorry, was too busy vomming on freshers

    • grammar nazi

      more embarrassing is your apparent inability to spell

      • true pedant

        inability to spell does not come under "grammar". it comes under "lexicon". which is, apparently, something in which you are deficient.

        that's embarrassing.

  • Too ashamed

    to give your name though…

  • Not a twat

    With the exams in three weeks, I was too busy revising to even realise it was caesarian sunday. Like the 95% of cambridge students who aren't drinking society twats, I couldn't give a crap about it.

    • TPJ

      i didn't realise it was caesarian sunday because i was too busy with my… ah, never mind, you all know where i was.

  • Jesus Christ

    Does anyone honestly give a shit about what either the Daily Mail or this article is saying? I'm so bored I think I might slip into a coma.

  • Goldfish???

    I still want to know about the damn goldfish!

  • Wills

    What a lad, perhaps an honorary Wyvern: [youtube S80SvZBmzOY http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S80SvZBmzOY youtube]

  • Bounder

    in celebration of having a sense of humour about responsibility:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S80SvZBmzOY

  • Jamie Crawford

    Hey! How come I was never invited to this? 0/10

  • Unimpressed

    The disgusting and unsolicited things that this guy sends to straight guys and the amount of unwanted groping of guys he does in clubs, it isn’t a surprise that the police are interested in him. Disgusting.

  • King

    Why is he wearing other people’s medals?

    • King

      As that picture will piss a lot of people off

  • Anon

    This man liked to call my name as I was walking into toilets in nightclubs. A bizarre young man. Who on earth calls themselves “Stephen Fry” anyway? Such a loser.

  • That is so

    awkward

  • she is

    fit though…

  • Cobbler

    …especially as he came on holiday with us

  • That is also

    not true

  • Solid evidence base

    Meaningless without pictures.