JONNY SINGER doesn’t speak ‘art’ and doesn’t want to learn.

Last week I almost went to an art exhibition.

It would have been my first since arriving at Cambridge, put on by two friends, on a theme I’m interested in. But I didn’t go. You see my problem is that Art doesn’t interest me – because I don’t understand it.

This, it turns out, is not a fashionable thing to say around Cambridge. But I simply cannot relate to ‘high culture’, because I don’t have the time or interest to understand it. I see a Rembrandt landscape and it looks pretty. But it’s rarely any prettier than the same scene painted by someone else of reasonable skill. I just can’t tell the difference.

Both kinda nice – but which is Rembrandt?

It’s similar with Classical Music. Debussy is pretty nice to have in the background. Some of the quiet piano music is really rather pleasant. But ask me to tell the difference between him and someone similar, say Ravel, or express a preference based on one listening, and I’d just take a wild guess.

That isn’t to say I haven’t tried. I spent a decade and a half learning the piano, 12 years on the violin, ten years on the viola and even (yes, I’m a wanker) two years playing the harpsichord. I’ve been to (or been dragged to) plenty of art galleries to see great works of art. I’ve studied poetry and been to museums. But very little of it has really stuck.

You see the problem is that I find the only way to truly enjoy ‘high culture’ (which I accept is a loose and imperfect term) is to truly understand it, which means cultivating a passion.

A case in point: One of my favourite pieces of music is Schumann’s piano concerto in A minor. I couldn’t play it for you but I could take you through it in pretty minute detail – I studied it at GCSE music and really got to know it.

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FxhR4TnV8XE&feature=related

But it was only by really getting to know it that I could really get to love it. And that took weeks, weeks that I just don’t have, or frankly, want to invest. The first time I heard it, it made almost no impression on me.

I don’t see this as limited to the arts. I do care about sport, in a way I never have for art or music. People sometimes tell me that they find football boring, to which my immediate response is that they probably haven’t tried to understand its complexities yet. I can’t see how you could understand sport to the level a true enthusiast does and not find it interesting. But if the passion didn’t grip you in the first place, why would you want to spend thousands of hours watching, listening to, playing and reading about the game in order to truly understand it?

So whilst I claimed I had too much work (not untrue) and that I would try and make it later, I knew I would never turn up to my friend’s exhibition. Because what I would see would be some pictures, rather lovely pictures I suspect, but pictures supposed to convey meaning. And I don’t speak the right language, nor do I have the enthusiasm to start learning it.

  • Awkward

    Mate, you've probably blown that "too much work" excuse now with your friends.

    • Housemate

      Oh yes. We are going to have a lot of fun with this. Bar at 9:30, yes Jonny?

  • oh my daays…

    …singer, i want your babies

  • Seriously though

    which is the Rembrandt?

    • Fnah Fnah

      This comment makes me feel superior.

      • Seriously though

        I just wanted the article to have some sort of artistic redemption ending :(

      • Resourceful

        Is it because you realised you could hover over it and the link displayed at the bottom (at least on Chrome) would give it away??

    • Doesn'tdoarthis

      The bottom on is the Rembrandt – Look at the clouds in the top right corner!

  • Definitely would

    Jonny Singer

  • The Artist

    It's ok you didn't turn up to my exhibition, you're forgiven. Perhaps you'll have a change of heart however and come to my next showcase: an exploration of callous journalists and their dubious demise.

  • Footballcomplexities

    The bottom one is a Rembrant you pleb. He would never have handled light in such bumout way as can be seen in the top image. Also nobody painting in that clearly dutch style would have the reckless confidence to pull off the brushwork in the sky of the lower image. The composition of the foliage and general silhouette of the skyline in the bottom right of the lower image is also unmistakably Rembrandt. Anyone familiar with even his most common etchings would recognise that. All of the above is true, but you can also hover over and see the filenames appear in the bottom left corner of your chrome browser.

  • your face

    is a map of the world

  • Uncertain…

    …why we are meant to be interested in reading about your lack of interest

  • wut

    There's nothing to 'understand' about a painting. It's just a picture of a bridge and a river and a boat. There's no secret meaning and anyone who says there is must be a pretentious idiot.

    • *Sigh* – FFS!!

      You clearly don't understand what folk talk about if you describe it as 'a secret meaning'. It wasn't painted by the fucking Illuminati, was it? It's simply knowing enough about art (art, music, film, theatre, literature, whatever) to appreciate it on a greater level than "Looks nice, bro". There's nothing wrong with not doing that, and not passionately engaging with something doesn't make you a philistine. Declaring those that do, however, are being pretentious *does* make you a philistine. Go and watch Britain's Got Talent and fuck off.

  • Coach

    Enthusiastic is the best way to describe your football skills.

  • Tom

    This is one of the most stupid things I’ve seen. It just going to be a bunch of guys that know they’re hot showing off.
    You can be fit and healthy and not look like you go to the gym six times a week.
    It’s things like these that cause people to have low self esteem.

  • Bodybuilder Critic

    Big muscles invariably equals tiny penis.

    • Zyzz

      Still bigger than yours. Stylin’ on you brah.