HARRY SHUKMAN is happy with Pembroke June Event, excluding the verbal abuse from the sexy Jägermeister mistresses.

Pembroke June Event

20th June 2012, £65

It’s hard to review a June Event and even harder to review one at your own college.

On Wednesday I went to El Dorado at Pembroke, and I had a blast. I could well be writing this to avoid becoming a social pariah at my own college or with the committee’s hand on my shoulder, but I’m honestly finding it tough to find much fault with this June Event.

Pembroke isn’t the largest college, nor is it the richest, but for £65 it had absurd value for money and slick organization to rival the big boys.

The night began queuing around Old Court to get inside. Queues aren’t fun at all, but luckily there were chocolate coins to pick up and two adorable alpacas to keep spirits high while waiting. They were much more friendly than last year’s birds of prey that flew off to hassle nearby pigeons.

On eventually getting in, chilled cava and oysters shucked while-u-wait were an immediate priority. Pembroke was the last event in my May Week this year, and I was determined to get as much out of it as possible. This meant foolishly thinking that a ride on the spinny Meteorite ride with several erections’ worth of oysters and several breakups’ worth of waffles in me would be a good idea. Not so much.

Walking off a very near-chunder, we were amazed by what the committee had achieved with this year’s limited budget. There were all the trimmings of a regular May Ball; food ranging from Argentinean barbecue to hog-roasts, drinks from mojitos to G&Ts, and activities to keep Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly occupied for a long while.

And I never had to queue for all of these, except for the Jägerbomb stand. That was a lower moment for me. I’m still not sure how, but the intimidatingly attractive waitresses serving Jägermeister thought my evening would be enriched by ridiculing my general appearance without provocation. I didn’t get it either. I maturely and thoughtfully responded by stealing labelled shot glasses, badges and specs.

As for acts, I wasn’t sure what to expect on arriving. I’d never heard either of the two main events Two Spot Gobi or Round Table Knights before, but they both gave stunning performances. A special mention has to go to Two Spot Gobi who interrupted their set-list for an audience request. They burst into a sensational rendition of one of the greatest songs of all time.

A cheap shot could be made at the loose interpretation of El Dorado being anything vaguely Central or South American in theme. That said, I attended Illusion at Emma and Revelry at Jesus this week, and both were fairly imaginative with what that really meant.

El Dorado was a big hit in terms of style and substance. By the time the survivors’ snapshot was taken at 5am, I felt that this June Event could have passed for a full May Ball. And I’m saying that without the threat of a bag of flaming shit being launched through my window by an enraged June Event committee member.

Food and drink:

[rating:4/5]

Wow factor:

[rating:3/5]

Value for money:

[rating:5/5]

Star attraction:

Two Spot Gobi

Biggest turn off:

Derisive Jägermeister waitresses

  • such a shame

    they went and barbecued the alpacas though :(

  • Still waiting…

    Where the fuck is the Caius may ball review?

    • Caius

      Me too!

  • Billy Aldridge

    Give It Up is the greatest song of all time. I love Nick Marshall. Something Something 2k12.

  • Good recipe

    I wasn't there myself, but this sounds like a well-run event: spend money on quality food and drink, stock enough to avoid huge queues or 2am shortages, and don't break the bank with big name acts who usually disappoint anyway.

  • Matty McBroide

    Spot on Harry, you couldn't have beaten this event with a big stick

  • Ahem

    You really are a terrible May Ball reviewer. Some of the food ran out before all the guests had got in (the steak, sausages and burgers). The drinks were only half shot measures, which is pretty appalling. The music was shite too. There's a reason why Events usually finish at 3…

    Although the fairground rides were awesome.

    • umm

      if you thought your drink wasnt strong enough just get 2, or ask for a top-up, it's all prepaid so take what you want!

  • Hang on a minute…

    Where's the tit hall june event review? It was the highlight of May Week!

  • Great Ball

    2 Thumbs Up!

  • Gonzo

    Yes. I noticed that about the Jager bar girls. Didn't seem to want to be there at all. I wonder what their day job was…

    • Pembrokian

      I was sitting on a bench when two of the "Jagerbitches" (as they called themselves) joined me. They were from Leicester, and seemed to think we're all stuck up and didn't know what Jagerbombs were. They were quick to reassure me that I was alright though. Erm…cheers?

      • Woah

        We got a lad over here!

  • Jägermistress fan

    You're just bitter because you didn't get a cheeky blozzer from her

  • you could not

    not not not say that this was a bloody good June Event

  • Not bad

    I had a good time, but to be fair there were a few slight hiccups: the queue was phenomenal and the whole process was made more painful by the asthma inducing smoke machine (random?), the bulk of the burger style food disappeared immediately and the silent disco (while a raging success) played a random mix of tunes, and refused to change the song before its completion even if it was universally abandoned…

    But tbh hardly any of these were greatly detrimental to the ball, for a June event I thought it was epic. I just think they should have condensed it all and finished at 3…

  • not bad

    hog-roasts? only in the brochure.

    • confused

      there was hog roast for a large part of the night…

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