King’s Affair

EDWARD TAN is a little bummed-out by King’s Affair. It’s a bad case of the 3am ball blues.

Contanimation at King’s Affair

20th June 2012, £74

King’s Affair is an absolute blast, there’s no denying it.

But only when you’re able to get away from the queues and disappointing food and drink. With its multiple stages, great music and sensational chapel, there’s something for everyone. That still doesn’t excuse the failure to justify the £74 ticket price which ultimately put a negative end on my night.

Admittedly I was tired going in, running on a lack of sleep after a long May Week. However, having heard the rave reviews from friends who attended in past years I entered King’s Affair with a pretty positive mindset.

First impressions were great. A selection of food vans and drink stalls were great surroundings as we stood in the middle of the lawn, gazing at the lit college walls, looking gleefully at the bouncy castles, zorbing, slides and the awesome bubble main stage.

A tour around the grounds to get bearings impressed me even more. The interior decor of Disney characters was impressive, although the Teletubbies scared the shit out of me. Grabbing as much booze as I could, I threw myself into it, hitting every stage to dance my night away.

From this point on however, it went downhill. As more and more people entered the grounds, the queues didn’t stop growing. While I managed to get a burger and hot dog on entry, I queued 30 minutes to get a crepe to then discover that the falafel and jacket potato van shut around 11.30.

Booze queues were passable at this point, but the drinks themselves were a little lacking. We found cheap vodka, whiskey and gin (only marginally better than Sainsbury’s basics), with bottles of 35p energy drink, coke and lemonade. Cans of cider and lager helped balance it out, but in some areas the queues for drinks were endless.

Lines for the bouncy castles and zorbing in the freezing cold just left me feeling put off by them. And queues for the remaining food were consistently growing, until the stall would announce they’d run out and close.

The 3am ball blues were the worst. By this point I’d started to sober up and the munchies kicked in with a vengeance, leaving me feeling like I was about to faint from lack of food. A 30 minute queue later and I finally managed to get my hands on a mixed chicken and quorn pitta. The bacon baps were almost insulting with such little bacon involved.

Don’t get me wrong, I did enjoy King’s Affair. I admired the costumes (kudos to Pacman and the ghosts), I danced to some great music, and the vibe was fantastic. My friends who did manage to get drunk on what was on offer were also massively enjoying themselves.

On the other hand, where the hell did my money go? Paying £74 for a ticket, I was at least expecting decent food and drink to last all night, a feat not impossible considering Pembroke and Tit Hall June Events.

Having been to King’s Bunker last term I couldn’t see enough difference between the Bunker and the Affair to justify the much higher price. And when I wasn’t having fun, I was queuing.

The mantra of King’s Affair “Beats not Bollinger” was definitely fulfilled on this night. Great music from all stages and acts, and in a fantastic setting. But it also managed to skimp on pretty much on everything else, including at one point, bottles of water. I was looking forward to King’s Affair, and determined not to let my tiredness drag me down.

But what started well descended into frustration, as I was confronted with queue after queue for the most basic and disappointing food and drink. I know some of you will cry out that I’m reviewing it poorly because of my fatigue. However, after a long hard look at what was on offer, I can assure you, I’m really not.

Food and drink:

[rating:2/5]

Wow factor:

[rating:4/5]

Value for money

[rating:2/5]

Star attraction:

Chapel and music

Biggest turn-0ff:

Ticket price at £74

  • Bobo

    I think kings affair is more targeted at people who get buzzed from non-alcoholic substances, if you get my drift

  • jus sayin

    the music was where most of the budget went and it showed – it was amazing. complaining that after a burger, hot dog and crepe you were going to faint? you're kidding right? if you want gourmet food and drinks to have a good time you're right, don't come, but kings affair is more about dancing and music – and if you and your boring friends need to stay pissed at all times to have a good night then once again, don't come

    • yeah but…

      all that is fair enough, until you get to the £74 ticket price. it's hard to justify that much money for a glorified super-size ent.

      • yeah but….

        you'd spend £74 for a days festival

      • are you dumb.

        yeah because mount kimbie always play at glorified super-sized ents. moron.

  • Dave

    Sounds like this guy doesn't ball hard enough for King's Affair.

  • King's

    This is a pathetic review. Almost as pathetic as the tab's coverage of may week entirely. I'm disappointed you have only to reflect on the food and drink. You clearly don't know how to party

    • KA Attendee

      Not quite, the review goes to some length to make it clear that the music was great. An event is not solely just about music, you’re paying money for music AND food/drink. It’s all part of the package

  • ….

    its sad that you think the only thing to make an event is being drunk. shame.

  • Classic Johns

    fucking up everything again

  • Petition

    to remove johns from cambridge

  • A little bit

    confused. While the drinks were cheap they lasted right to the end of the night, with bar queues better than your average night in Cindies. I never had to wait more than a couple of minutes to get served.

    Food queues could be bad at times, but there was always something with a short queue if you looked around a bit.

    Even if you insist the food and drink were lacking, I think perhaps your £74 went on *6* stages of music (not counting the silent disco), some decent (if uninspired) ents along with incredible production and art. At Peterhouse a mapped light show in front court was one of the "showstopper" events of the ball. At King's, Gibbs building melted and danced in the background, just another factor in what I think was an incredibly impressive event.

    • Ents Offissa

      UNINSPIRED ENTS? FACK OFF MAAAAAATE.

  • Ben McCulley

    I completely disagree with this review. last years KA got a much higher review, and everyone i asked said this year was better. The food was pretty much the same from last year and the ents were far more exciting. The live bands were awesome, and the silent disco was always cram packed. wake up and enjoy the night you miserable person.

  • Kings Affair guest

    Agree completely. Decision to have all the food in one area v poor. Definitely not worth £74.

  • really?

    You can’t tell the difference between a bunker event and KA?! What about it lasting triple the time, having ents, incredible lighting and projections scattered across the lawn and all spaces in college (incl the chapel), and mind blowing live acts performing. Seriously, you sound delusional.

  • yep

    agreed. heard rave reviews last year and everyone was going this year so i jumped on the bandwagon. i didnt think it was any better than tit hall – the extra 2 hours at kings are essentially empty. kings is also unfortunately constrained by the size of front court – a space that big is hard to fill.

  • Hang on,

    who the fuck allowed Ed ' SBTRKT? no I would prefer The Feeling' Tan to review the King's Affair? His opinion is as about as useful as Alan Shearer's punditry.

  • Dan Fruhman

    Seriously mate, ''my friends who were drunk were massively enjoying themselves but i could not.'' You dont need to be pissed to enjoy yourself, well you obviously do coz your a gimp …. Kings affair is primarily about good music, Not overhyped extravagant bullshit … where in the review did you mention the music? Oh wait you didn't, once again because you're a tool and have completely missed the point of what the affair is about. Its not about expensive food and drink and hyped shannanigans like the other may balls. There are queues at every may ball. Look at Johns the night before, 150 for a ticket, for standard entertainment and standard food and drink with even bigger queues than kings. Kings disregards all that in favour of good music, with a good vibe and a fucking sick party, something which you obviously missed coz you were too busy wanting falafel … and why we must ask? Coz your a bellend. Case closed.

  • tab hater

    the tab are too puussoire to put up comments.

    • Ben Robb

      Perhaps you mean 'poussoir?'

  • silly billy

    You should have just had a good time like everyone else instead of waiting for falafel.
    And also the difference between the Affair and the Bunker nights was the vast amounts of FREE alcohol, FREE food and MOUNT FUCKING KIMBIE.
    Give yer head a wobble mate.

  • tab hater

    haters are gonna hate but come on tab let the comments go up, its even more pathetic.

    • i've noticed this

      why are The Tab censoring comments?

    • http://cambridgetab.co.uk/ TabEditor

      I'm sorry, I had some difficulties with IntenseDebate yesterday, so I had to put the comments up today. I'm pretty sure I haven't censored any though.

  • Talk about ents plz

    Have you been to many balls? I don't understand how think it's bad value for money. You also clearly have terrible tactics when it comes to queueing, I had no problem all night. You point out that it's beats not bollinger then complain the food and drink was a bit budget. Basically yet another rubbish review that completely misses the point.

  • Don’t get on your high horse about the music

    I too bought a ticket for the bands but at the end of the day – this isn’t where the money went
    it went on pointless inflatable slides, bouncy castles (that also shut down early), and zorbs fenced into a 50 square metre patch of grass

    completely agree with the review

  • Freedom of Speech

    Look's like Ed's thrown a Tan-trum. Who let that cretin review this?

    • cretin

      don't need an apostrophe

  • nabbbb

    WHERE IS THE REVIEW OF CAIUSSSSSSSS DOE????

  • Balkan not bolinger

    So after (presumably) the author of the article deleted my last post (and every single other one as well…) I'll try and write something that might hang around.

    It's a bit strange to say they nailed the 'beats not bolinger' theme then complain the food wasn't very fancy. that's the point!!!

    Apparently I've been to all but one King's Affair ever, so I feel reasonably qualified in saying I think it was one of (possibly the) best ever

  • why are the

    tab censoring comments?

  • What a dull guy

    Plenty of booze, great party. Not sure what he was expecting.

  • RA RA RA

    You have obviously missed the whole point of the Kings Affair… If you want Champagne, absolut vodka and hog roast lasting til 3am.. go Trinity or Johns mate. The issues you raise have been the same at previous affairs (some of which were improved this year) and are expected by anyone who has been to one before or has heard about it… The Kings Affair is not a May ball, it is not even a June Event, it is a unique event in may week that for anyone who isn't looking for a gourmet meal and French Martinis is a fantastic event and well worth the ticket price. Like you said "Beats not Bollinger" (which by the way hasn't been officially used as the tag line in two years) and you accept that premise and basically spend your whole review slagging the event off because of it… I would suggest that you, personally (having clearly missed the point) don't bother going back next year, maybe spend your cash on something a bit more White tie… Good luck keeping it clean with all that food flowing til 4 am.

  • tab hater

    why won't the tab put comments up?

  • Where have

    the comments from yesterday gone?

  • Why no Bollinger?

    And no easy access pittas? And no branded red bull? And no non-insulting baps?

    Instead it was just beats. Lots and lots of beats. Outrageous.

  • ARE YOU MAD

    King's Affair was INCREDIBLE IN EVERY WAY

  • tab hater no1

    lamestream

  • Lady Sweer

    Shit man, this guy's a cornball, King's Affair was The One. Me and my homies got it in. 11 out of 10.

  • <3 Kings

    I'm really pleased when I see the big queues at King's cos it means all those people too stupid to be caring about food and drink are not taking up space on my dancefloor. As has been said, this party is made for people who are really really into music, and long may that last. Being drunk really isn't the thing for music appreciation- either do a Mr Scruff and stick to tea all night (a really great option), or, y'know, find something else to put you in the mood. You didn't spend any of this review talking about how awesome it was to see Mount Kimbie. Idiot. The only thing that makes King's slightly worse than similar parties outside of Cambridge is the presence of people like you. But I'll take that because it's held in such a beautiful setting and because someone thought up the great idea of keeping you all out of the way eating your quorn pitta.

    • Also at King's

      Alright yeah, KA was great and obviously the guy who wrote this is a prat, but you come across as a massive hipster twat if I'm honest.

  • where is my comment!

    oh wait here it is

  • stating the obvious

    You are missing a trick if you don't drink horrendously before going in

  • Caius

    There gonna be a Caius review or….?

  • Mario

    I crashed it so it was great value for money.