Easter Lineup Revealed!

James Mitchell

Lisa Kudrow, Tim Minchin, David Moyes and Jackie Stewart will each take their turn to address the Union next term, The Tab can exclusively reveal.

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After an exciting Lent that saw the most varied and exciting lineup in recent years, Union members will be interested to find out what Easter Term has in store for them.

The headline act is undoubtedly Lisa Kudrow, Emmy award-winning actress and comedienne – but you’ll recognise her best as the zany one from Friends. You can catch her speaking in May Week (when we’ll probably all be watching Friends repeats anyway). Fans’ favourite Bradley Whitford, of West Wing fame, will also make an appearance in mid-May.

Bradley Whitford, star of The West Wing

Bradley Whitford, star of The West Wing

Tim Minchin (think Russell Brand but Australian) is hot property at the moment, having just co-written the new Matilda musical – which opened in Broadway this month. You might also have seen him as Atticus Fetch in the latest series of Californication. Let’s just hope something better doesn’t come up!

The Union will also be welcoming Armando Iannuci, the creative genius behind Alan Partridge, The Thick Of It, In The Loop and HBO’s Veep. Writer-director Iannuci is presently working on the new Alan Partridge movie.

On the sporting front, F1 triple world champion Sir Jackie Stewart – who played an instrumental role in improving safety in Formula 1 after a succession of tragic deaths in the 1960s – will be talking to Union members next month. Scot stalwart David Moyes will be making an appearance in the same week. Having been with Everton for over a decade now, Moyes is something of a rarity in the football manager world these days.

Sir Jackie Stewart - the "Flying Scott"

Sir Jackie Stewart – the “Flying Scott”

The Union has invited world famous political philosophers Peter Singer and Michael Sandel to share their insights, which will hopefully help to put some of that exam term stress into perspective.

There certainly is a lot on offer this term. However, some may bemoan the fact that Neil Gaiman, author of Stardust and with his second episode of Doctor Who set to air later this year, will return to the Union just a few months after his appearance at Watersprite last term.

Lily Cole is making a return to her alma mater as she prepares to unveil her new “socially networked gift economy website & app”, Impossible, which will launch exclusively to Cambridge students.

Ex-Cantab Lily Cole is sure to set pulses racing

Ex-Cantab Lily Cole is sure to set pulses racing

The Union’s love affair with Made in Chelsea is as strong as ever, and Francis Boulle will be talking about the death of creativity in television. He should know.

With regards to this term’s debate motions, Fenster remarked that they are  “less politics heavy than they have often been in the past”, an opinion which is perhaps not reflected in the term card. Topics for debate include Iran’s nuclear aspirations, the welfare state and a debate simply entitled ‘The Israel Palestine Question’ in which Fenster himself will be speaking.

Let's hope Boulle is as interesting in real life as he is on TV

Let’s hope Boulle is as interesting in real life as he is on TV

The dearth of female speakers compared to previous years is also noticeable – something that the president himself acknowledges: “The low number of female individual speakers disappoints me after we made a concerted push to address this balance,” Fenster writes. “We aim to examine this issue, amongst others, during our forum on the meaning of feminism today.”

The Union have also invited four MPs to take part in their debates, all Conservative, compared to just one labour counsellor – although the head of the Green Party will also make an appearance.

Union President Joel Fenster

Union President Joel Fenster

Having said that, this term’s line-up does see an interesting variety of speakers descending on Cambridge. President Joel Fenster declared: “I am pleased that we are able to welcome speakers of such a high calibre, and from such a diverse range of backgrounds.

“I know that there will be someone who will appeal to every member, whether they are interested in entertainment, philosophy, or sports.”

  • Ed Tan

    Tim Minchin will cancel, the Union is less important than Caius May Ball

    • Anonymous

      suck my 8===========D —- — — — -

      • Ed Tan is unimpressed

        Witty, intelligent, subtly referential. Your comment is none of these.

        Please try again later.

  • Joel Fenster

    I appear to be a huge knob. Or at least, plenty of Tab commenters on my (rather predictable) Thatcher article thought so.

    • forecaster

      Fenster feeling some agressive chatmospheric pressure

  • KC

    Sorry, pedant alert: the correct spelling of the author’s name is Neil Gaiman, not Gaimon.

    Does seem to be a celebrity-heavy term card, which I suppose makes sense for the exam term.

    • Disappointed

      Spot On! If I wanted to see shitty ex-actors, I’d pay for a TV license and watch day time TV. Expected better than this…

      • hmmm

        Natalie Bennett, Jimmy Wales, Michael Sandel, Peter Singer, Palestinian Ambassador!!

  • What?!

    I didn’t sign up for the union to watch a load of celebrities self promoting. A complete dearth f serious politicians or commentators here. The union have taken completely the wrong message from protests to Le Pen and Assange, it is possible to have influential guests without just inviting controversial ones.

    • It’s probably

      Because the Tab forgot to mention Natalie Bennett, Jimmy Wales, the Palestinian Ambassador or any of the other really good speakers there are this term

      • True

        but Jimmy Wales is appearing in a debate. The speakers are still awful.

    • Disappointed

      Spot On! If I wanted to see shitty ex-actors, I’d pay for a TV license and watch day time TV. Expected better than this…

    • Really?

      There was Roger Penrose last term and barely anyone showed up for him. Kinda hypocritical when people goes “Oh! The Union doesn’t have enough intellectuals!” And they do come get the speakers nobody turns up? Did you go to Alan Rusbridger’s talk? Or the one from Mo Ibrahim?

    • Phoebe Buffay

      BUT LISA KUDROW WAS IN FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!! DUDE THIS IS SERIOUS! Politicians and commentators are boring. End of.

  • #prance4pres

    This frankly isn’t good enough. Bet everyone regrets voting for Fenster now

  • Bartakomus

    So Jimmy Wales is coming, but you decided to put a bunch of pictures of minor celebrities and some actor from Made In Chelsea?? Really?

  • Tim Minchen – Think Russell Brand but Australian

    And a musician. And funny. And nothing like Russell Brand

    • Anonymous

      they’ve both got nice hair

  • Well

    nothing was going to beat Lent. This is OK though.

  • Anonymous

    The sexism in the choice of pictures for this article is really not cool.

    • adfkl;jadjkljadj

      please stop being so boring

    • Connoisseur

      I know right, only gets a 4/10 difficulty rating (would have been even lower but Ms. Cole has scary eyes that seemed to penetrate my soul in the moments leading up to the finish line)

      • There are

        few feminist down thumbs. The code is secure.

    • In the interest of fairness
    • Straight male.

      Show me a naked josh lyman and I will go to town.

    • Anonymous

      The smartest thing to ever come out of your mouth is a penis

    • Honestly, Tab

      ‘Ex-Cantab Lily Cole is sure to set pulses racing’ – you sound like the Daily Mail

      • Durr

        That’s the point.

    • Chris

      I know, right? It’s almost like I’m reading a tabloid.

  • Simon Johnson

    Man will be showing man’s culture face down at Union this term, giving that bellend Bouley bare stick and making seriouuusss movements to that poon miss cole. #culturedchirpse #blukubluk

    • Simon’s Johnson

      Got my name wrong above, soz guys

  • Easter

    is always the worst term at the Union – this is pretty good as they go, good work.

  • not impressed

    why does lily cole need to be naked in this article? Is she addressing the union naked? just another example of casual sexism. Not impressed Tab .

    • All men

      I really hope so…

    • I

      would rather mainline drano than listen to your drivel

    • Bint

      Sex sells. You’re reading a silly, online spoof of tabloid newspapers. If Lily didn’t want people to see her naked then she didn’t have to go to a photographer and do a naked photo shoot that would be freely published.

  • not impressed

    oh and not to mention how all the captions about men are about what they’re going to say, and lily’s is just about what she looks like. what a joke.

    • because

      She’s a model? The entire reason she’s famous is her appearance.

      • yeah but

        Even if she is a model, they could have put in a picture of her with clothes on. the nakedness has nothing to do with her speaking at the union.

        • because

          Well they don’t HAVE to, but I wouldn’t call it sexism that they have done so. If a male model was coming to speak, I don’t think it would be unusual for a similar picture of him to be used.

      • Who

        has diversified into activism.

        • umm

          There are lots of activists, we let very few speak. I doubt she’s the most eloquent of them all…

      • Oh yeah of course!

        One of the two female speakers the Union has invited this term is a model (the other is an actress, and therefore probably was a model at some point as well)… they’ve really pushed the boat out this time.

    • literally

      go fuck yourself

  • watched lisa kudrow on who do you think you are…

    …and she’s as boring as joel fenster’s twatty little pout

  • I didn’t realise

    She had such a cracking rack.

  • Riccardo Manfredi

    #Emma #LAD #footballsfinest

  • WTF

    is a “socially networked gift economy website”?

  • Rick Ross (Da Boss)

    I don’t even know who half these nigz are!

    • Shut up…

      You CO

      • lewl

        wtf u gonna do ?!

        phagut

  • Jackie Stewart

    Is making me wish I was a union member.

  • what a

    lineup

  • sort it out tab

    iannuci and minchin undoubtedly the headline acts- not lisa kudrow

  • head nigga

    MANZ ON A HYPE

  • Donna Moss

    Mmmm Josh

  • Anonymous

    OMGAWWWD FEMINISM

  • Feminist in the audience.

    Go Fuck yourselves

  • Unbelievable Jeff!!

    X Factor’s Little Mix to headline Trinity Hall June Event! You heard it here first (don’t all rush to the May Ball market place at once)

    • Belated

      Yeah that news has been around for a while – classic Tit Hall getting sh*t ents

  • Friendly Tab Commentator

    Great term guys, really well done!

    • wasteman

      YOU WANNA SUCK MY 8==================D ?

      • Riccardo Manfredi

        Only for a pair of Trinity tickets, deal?

        • Nick Davies

          Not if i get there first ManSlag

  • Aran Rezaei

    That’s it, none of you are going gym anymore

    • Rick Ross

      These hoes can’t hold me back!

  • Real ThugZ

    Searched this lily cole person on google and took safe search off

    she done full nudal (you can see her ginga pussy and everyting) so stop getting all butt hurt about the image selected in this article

  • Not a nerd

    Does anyone really give a shit about the union

  • Uh

    who is fenster I liked Ros Old

  • David Moyes

    Speaking soley in my capacity as the new Arsenal manager for next season…

    I say lay off Lily Cole! Look at all the fascinating insights she can offer you all here…

    http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/fashion/features/lily-cole-i-grew-up-climbing-trees–i-was-the-clambering-queen-8504057.html

    Plus, one of you knicked her push bike…

    http://www.contactmusic.com/news/cole-treated-to-new-bike_1127699

  • girl

    If Arena and Mosaic are so confident in their Monday night events they wouldn’t need to worry about slating TP constantly through such trivial mediums such as the tab.

  • Dan

    Another exhilarating, badly written article by Albertine Brandon, Great job! im sure Timepiece will be welcoming you back with open arms? perhaps you could make an appearance at TP instead of Binky, you seem rather popular and a bit a fashion guru…im sure all those “badly dressed” students would come to support you!

  • Guy

    I sell tickets for original sin mate, just more open minded than you

  • Shorting your own employers

    doing a pretty wank job then aren’t you

  • Person

    I find it funny that you comment on the 45 that were attending the Facebook event. When it came to the event on Monday night, more people were attending Timepiece’s event on Facebook than they were Arena. I find it ironic that you hate how shit Timepiece is on a Monday, yet still requested tickets one night?