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Throw Him A Bone: Ageing Anarchists Can’t Get It Up

Ageing anarchist Ian Bone’s protest went limp as only 12 middle-aged militants showed up.

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Chunderachievers

Students in Pembroke have been warned not to confuse their ‘waste paper bin for a lavatory’ again.

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Prof Sez Toff Image Just Doesn’t Fitz

The Master of Fitz slammed politically correct politicians for damaging Cambridge’s reputation.

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Top Of The League And Having A Laugh

Cambridge has smashed its rivals, topping the Guardian’s University league tables for the second year.

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JCR Prez Well Hung

Selwyn has passed a motion to ‘venerate’ its JCR president.

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Bonkers Bone To Block Bumps

2000 anarchists are due to descend on the May Bumps next month in protest of Mr ASBO’s move.

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Mr ASBO: A Tab Tribute

Mr. ASBO has finally been moved from the Cam, to the delight of rowers and journos alike.

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Chinese Whispers: 100 Grand to Get You Into Oxbridge

Can’t get into Oxbridge? Here’s a way to win your entry. One thing: it costs 100K.

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No Victories For Student Council Hopefuls

Students lose out in council elections amidst a low turnout.

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Totally Punted

Cantabs are in uproar over a move by Cam Conservators to ban punting under the influence.

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Emma Dilemma: Bashing Bishop Flees Fellows

The Archbish of Canterbury withdrew from the race to be Master of Emma in relation to his controversial stance on gay bishops.

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A.C. FAILING: Prof’s college only for Toffs.

Philosopher’s college faces embarrassment as majority of places go to private school kids.

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Asbo-lute Shambles: Psycho Swan Not Going Anywhere

Rowers are raging as riverside terror and hate figure Mr Asbo is to stay in Cambridge for his own welfare.

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Caius Cans Pasty Plans

The West Cornish Pasty Company try, and fail, to join the unholy trinity of Life, Death and Gardies.

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Upper Class-Holes

Balliol College have a travel grant specifically for Old Etonians so they can get paid to study ‘poor people’.

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House Coming Home

Selwyn have announced that everyone’s favourite grumpy doctor is getting an honorary fellowship.