We dive into the depths of Dive, a techno night coming to a King’s Bunker near you

There’s a new party in Cambridge – and, by all accounts, quite a strange one.

With one successful techno night at King’s Bunker already under its belt, and another soon to come, we went to find out what – and who – the fuss was all about.

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Shrouded in mystery, the DIVE committee are notoriously secretive and are said to emerge only at night. In this interview, I, The Tab, have gained unprecedented access to the brilliant minds behind this concept-techno audio-visual operation.

I meet them in a secret location, probably in King’s. The concrete door has a cardboard sign reading VORTEX taped to it, though it is pretty illegible and could easily say TWAT. I enter.

The room is windowless and brightly-lit, with white walls and white furniture. They are all wearing black shrouds, and silently blowing smoke-rings to each other. The whole scene is very geometric. I take a seat on a white fur beanbag.

Tab: Hi.

They make motions with their eyes. I return the gaze, then look at the floor.

Tab: So, how did DIVE start?

Axel – I’ve always been obsessed with creating a tiny transient underwater Berlin in Cambridge. It was only after we did it that I realised we made something better.

Stella – More raw. Like it’s all concentrated into a very small room.

Ira – …it is a very small room. And it’s not. It’s a universe. A wormhole

Evelyn – Like a VORTEX

All – VORTEX

JCR41

Tab: And, how did you all meet?

Ira – we met at DIVE. The first one.

Stella – it was spontaneous.

Tab: Ok, so, in the event description, you say that DIVE is ‘//QUEER//’ – what do you mean by that exactly?

Evelyn – we mean nothing. It’s just an amorphous construct.

Axel – we know that amorphous constructs attract amorphous creatures

All – the VORTEX loves amorphous creatures.

Stella – we’re not a cult. DIVE is just exciting. (stella’s eye twitches)

Tab: Were you excited by the success of the last DIVE?

Evelyn – success?

Tab: …the amount of people that came.

Evelyn – we didn’t notice if anyone came. The music was too good

Ira – TECHNO is amorphous too.

Spot the Art Historian in this Photo

Spot the Art Historian in this Photo

Tab: Do you always dress like this?

Axel – no. Sometimes we dress as each other.

Tab: Should people come dressed like you, to DIVE?

Axel – we don’t want to control what people wear.

Ira – unless they wear the wrong thing

Axel – As a rule, if what you’re wearing makes your limbs look the wrong size, we like it.

The gloved hand protruding from Axel’s shroud appears to shrink suddenly. I don’t want to appear weak, so I pretend not to notice.

Tab: From some of the posters, I gather DIVE is pretty underwater-themed. How come?

Stella – The ocean is quite deep. There’s a lot in it.

Axel – A lot of ideas.

Stella – yes. And kelp.

Ira – The ocean doesn’t do anything. It just is. We are all oceans.

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Tab: Indeed: I hear you want to include films in the VORTEX – what effect do you think that will have on the guests?

Evelyn – I wish them to reconsider their place in the universe.

Ira – We have a lot of footage of cuttlefish changing colour.

Evelyn – That’s not the point

Axel – I think the surface is what’s important.

Tab: And, you’re also including VIP tables?

Axel – Only one. Not really a table. More a chair. A white plastic chair.

Evelyn – The centre of the VORTEX is the only part that is truly stationary. So we put the VIP chair in the middle.

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Tab: Is there anything particularly… VIP about the experience?

Ira – Yes. The PR team said there should be a ‘drinks event’.We’re quite taken with it now.

Axel – We’re serving a can of Red Stripe with a sparkler taped to it.

Tab: This all sounds fun! Is there anything else we should know about DIVE?

Stella – No.

Axel – I think people should come and find out about it themselves.

Ira – the only way to perceive the VORTEX is to ENTER THE VORTEX.

Evelyn – that’s all we have to say. We’ve been mostly lying anyway.

They pull their shrouds around their faces and play techno music very loud. I take this as my cue to leave.

Tab: Great, thanks guys!

DIVE

  • wtf

    what the actual fuck

  • this is

    amazing! finally a bit of irony and wit in the tab

    • Axel

      what irony?